LADY BUG SIGHTING...

And they are chocolatey delicious!!!

I just got done posting my "blues post" about freaking out over the subbing when the mail arrived. I grabbed the mail, saw a package but was just starting to read about the rumors of referrals for LID thru Decemeber 27 2005. Now mind you... it is more LID referred than I had expected so my heart was feeling JOY. I grabbed the package and wondered who could have sent me something from Virginia Beach. As I opened the package, out toppled these cute litte ladybugs!!! Ms Ladybug sender.... what amazingly delic European chocolate you have sent me!!! They could not have arrived on a better day!!!

QUILT OF MEMORIES

Behold my projects box. A few months ago I was overwhelmed with all the things that I needed to do..... unfinished (2) scarves, a strawberry hat, to numerous to mention crafty project that just needed the finishing touches on. To get a grasp on all this, I labeled a box and started filling it with such projects. If the project did not fit in the box, it went on a slip of paper as the project.... ie: "wainscot Tate's room". Sometimes I reached into the box with purpose like finish scarf for mom's birthday, and other times I just randomly grabbed out. This time with purpose I reached into the box for my 100 wish quilt. As I was making sense to all these mish mash of squares, colors, themes.... I started to think of all the people who contributed to this quilt. I read wishes. I looked at the fabric. Some of the contributors are well known to me, others just passing names, but all so very cherished by me. As a community we all banded together to gather and share quilt squares and wishes for our already loved and yet unknown children. As a community we wait. Some of these wishes and squares represent to me those who have already been fulfilled as families, holding tight to their children. Some represent those who are still waiting, with each one on their own time frame to realize the dream of becoming parents. As I looked at each and every wish and square, I feel the warmth from each and every one of you. I am sure one day when Tate is older, she too will feel this love and warmth of a community that believed in her and her existence. A hope of something for her that is more than China was offering her. A dream for me that was more than my life was offering me as a momma.

HOPE. DREAM. LIVE.

MURPHY'S LAW

With much anticipation I went to bed last night with the alarmed set early to get up and get ready for my new adventure! I did not need the alarm clock to wake me. At 4 am my eyes popped wide open and off I ran into the bathroom with the beginning of the stomach flu. I even took a shower thinking that this upset stomach was the anticipation. No such luck. Sadly, I had to call in sick for my first day of subbing. Now it is twelve hours later and I am feeling much better. I think I am thinner too.

TUESDAY NOT A GO GO

UPDATE.......

I just got a call from the sub-finder.... When I saw who was calling, I vowed to myself that I was going to take the assignment NO MATTER what the assignment was. Luck dealt Lisa a good hand!!! I get to teach the pull out of class computer lab for grades 1-6!!! Love it especially since I really know NOTHING about computers! Just getting my feet wet and getting a grasp on what to expect.... Next time I will do a real class.

I was ready for action. Clothes cleaned and pressed. All organized to spend the day in the presence of sweet face little angels. With all my preparation, both mentally and physically, the school district did not need me for Tuesday. Not knowing my plans, the school district decided to tack one more day onto the long Martin Luther King weekend. All Elementary and Middle schools were off. I found my only hope was the High Schools, which were still in session. Sadly with only three high school to chose between, NO ONE needed the day off. Wednesday is now in the "plan". I am hoping for a High School assignment- I know, this choice is amazing to me also. I guess I will have to get "down with the lingo"- now where is my Brittney Spear's type outfits?

CHANGES IN THE WIND

I have been real cautious about posting anything about this subject because of not wanting the blog trolls out there causing anymore stress than I have on this subject. So here goes....

Since June 2007 I have only been working part time at the airlines. I used to work a full-time job at a hospital plus this very part time job at an airlines. Back in June 2007, a quick decision was made to quit the full time hospital job, allowing me to find a job that was more do-able as a single momma. Teaching was suggested to me, and with this idea, I went forward at a turtle's pace. This rash quick decision to move on coupled with and this slow turtle pace is not the way to approach jobs that have DEADLINES for teaching a mere 6 weeks away. So hence, I did not start teaching in the autumn as expected. All good intentions were made by me in my mind that I was going to find another job, a job to get me thru until I could start teaching. What is facing me today is the month of January 2008. Months into this year of waiting to teach. I have been able to financially squeak by with working more hours at the airlines. I have been able to get a lot of my projects done in my box of projects. I have spent quality time with Mesa at the dog park... In fact, I have been known recently to chat about people I met at the dog park like they are my best friends. But time is moving on. Last week in a ditch to really see if I would like this teaching gig, I submitted my paperwork to be a sub-teacher. What is so scary about kids in a class room? Really... only 28 young eager faces with rosy cheeks, disheveled hair, runny noses looking up at me. What could be so scary? But it is! This week I made a small step forward and signed into the system that calls me with assignments.... They are calling me, and I in turn am declining this scary situation. Like anything in life, I need to close my eyes, hold my breath and jump right on it. It is too late for me this week..... Monday is a holiday. So this Tuesday my friends, TUESDAY is the day I will accept the call and head on out to suffer my first day as a teacher. I will close my eyes, take a deep breath and plunge into the deep end hoping to surface alive at the end of a school day..... I guess I will be guzzling the Airborne daily!



A report to follow after this torture happens..... Sorry no pictures of this carnage.

Something Cool

I found this link on another blog that I thought was way cool.... it is the link for Google translation. I thought I would give it a try!!!

这么快，我即将向你提供。为了爱你，爱护你，照顾你，永远。坑的，有我的甜美的婴儿。 爱momma

"So soon momma will be traveling for you. To love you, cherish you and take care of you forever. Hang in there my sweet baby.
Love Momma"


I sure hope it says what it is suppose to instead of something that would be strange or insulting.

CHOICE IS GOOD

I know that there is frenzy going on in the China adoption community about things that are beyond our control. As of recent, it is the fact that the CC** has decided to change their website to not include the information of dates. At first I was numb not knowing how I felt about all of this. Does this lack of information change anything for me as I wait for Tate? NO. Can I do anything about this wait for Tate? NO. I can control how I let this information affect me in my life. I have a choice, and having a choice is good. I choose NOT to feed into this uncertainty and frenzy. I choose to continue in my path of preparing for motherhood. I choose to continue to enjoy my life to revel in the joys of each day. I know that for some, feeling the connection to what is happening at the CC** is a way of feeling attached to their future children. That is their choice and all choices are good. I choose to support whatever means you need to feel that connection. I will be there for you with understanding and comments. As for me, I choose to stay on track with Tate in my horizon.....

Catch-Up COUNTING

Just getting a little behind..... I wish my behind was getting little. Sheeh. I forgot to document the momentous occasion of turning 21 months LID last month, and just now realize today is ...

Months of LID!!!

With this blog housekeeping task out of the way, let's talk about the real stuff I am wanting to talk about......

Dreams really do come true. During this whole wait time, I have been following along the blogs of other single mommas. I feel that connection, I "get" them, I live vicariously through their referrals and family moments. I love love love seeing a single momma realizing her dream of becoming momma. As this wait has lengthened along (see above) at 22 months for me, sometimes a hot single momma, like myself, starts loosing HOPE that this will happen. Today, I clicked on to Jenny in hopes of seeing Abby in the arms of her momma. My heart. My heart, people started pounding, aching and then BURST!!! Tears of joy for Jenny and Abby, tears of joy for me that this too will happen to me. It means so much to see this reunion for those of us who wait. Really, it means whether I have a good adoption day or not. So, one more month of disappointment I can manage in hopes that next month will produce more days of making families. One more month closer.

HOOKED

I find myself going through cycles when it comes to my TV watching. I always watch The Amazing Race and Grey's Anatomy. I will turn on HGTV and Food Network but randomly watch. The other night, I just happened on America's Top Model. Shockingly, this was new programing to me and sat open mouth for the full hour. This segment was the segment that they eliminated down to 13 models. But it really was not the first show, but a marathon of past competitions. After sitting until 1 am, I finally hit the record on the VCR (sorry no TiVo or DVR here) and went to bed. Yesterday my day did not afford me the time to continue watching the taped stuff, but after 10pm I hit the play button and stayed up until 2am- watch. After doing the Mesa entertainment thing at the dog park, I finally got to finish 3 more hours to see the outcome. This whole modeling world is so foreign to me, yet so fascinating. As each model was instructed, I found myself smiling, or gazing or tipping my head as instructed. I have now learned how to smile thru my eyes not using my mouth, how to pose differently for a woman's, man's or kids magazine as well as other fine model moves. I am now sitting here with my back straight, my head held high, with my shoulders back- just like Tyra Banks would appreciate.