Friday, March 31, 2006


A few years ago people looking in on my life would say that I had quite the life. I was envied by my married friends because I could sleep in and do what I wanted to with my time. I had my long-term boyfriend (Boy-Toy) who would fill my time with nothing but fun and frivolousness. But it was very unfulfilling. We would go at a moments notice (one hour warning) on a weekend trip to Jackson Hole, WY (only a 5 hours drive from where I live) or end up in the mountains when I had dressed for shopping at a mall. I had to be spontaneous and it was fun. An example of this spontaneity was, one day I thought we were going to lunch. I was dressed in shorts and tennis shoes. We ended up taking the Tram at Snowbird ski resort to the top of a mountain. It was Summer and the view was breathtaking so we decided to walk down the mountain. The way down was steep with a BIG vertical decline. I was not wearing hiking boots and the steep slope put pressure on my big toes. The whole two hour trek down I was in such pain. At the end of my journey, the pressure on my toes caused me to loose both of my BIG TOE nails….. OUCH!!!!

Another thing that added to my envious life was that as a second job, I was working at Continental airlines in their reservations area. I was working very minimal hours but could travel all over the world and often in First Class. At my full time job at a hospital, I worked three twelve hour shifts per week and was able to manipulate days so that I had long stretches of days off in a row…. and used it to travel.

Fun, spontaneous but also MEANINGLESS.

After 9/11 happened, the airlines asked for volunteers to take a long term leave but keep the traveling benefits. I was all about this and jumped on this offer. Three years later, I was furloughed and lost my flight benefits with the promise that when Continental was ready to hire again I would be first to be called and offered my same seniority (which is important when working at an airlines) and start back at the same pay I left at. This was also the same time that my Boy-Toy and I decided to end our dead-end relationship. This was a hard time and once I grieved over my sudden change in my envious life, I started to grow and change. As I have said before, this is the time I got my dog, Mesa, and my capacity to
love started to flourish.

Fast forward to right now….
As everyone knows, this adoption and buying baby things is expensive. So I started considering a second job, just until I got Tate here. An answer to prayers, I received a call from Continental airlines asking if I wanted to go back to work part time. I start back on Monday.

On my mind now I am wondering if I am stepping back in my life. Am I regressing instead of growing??? I think of all the fun trips I could take and the places I have yet to visit. And another really strange thing…. I have not seen my Boy Toy for over two years. I was in a grocery store parking the other day and there he was. We had a quick surface type chat with each other. Oh please, Oh please….. I hope he doesn’t call me. I really cannot go back to that meaningless unfulfilling life I had before.

Thursday, March 30, 2006


I just had a root canal today.... BOY DO I FEEL LOUSY..... more tomorrow.....


Tuesday, March 28, 2006


What is the meaning of all my lady bug sightings????? Why was I given two sightings so closely together.....
WHY???? WHY ???? WHY????

When things get tough... I get baking....


Monday, March 27, 2006


I have been thinking A LOT lately how I can aid in speeding up the CCAA and the referrals. My heart goes out to the LIDers that have been waiting 6+ months. So my thoughts..... I could VOLUNTEER my services to the CCAA and help process the Dossier and family Matching. I would be there in a heart beat 24/7 if it would help. Heck, I would even sleep with the director if that would help..... Then it hit me... KEVIN COSTNER in The Field of Dreams.... IF YOU BUILD IT THEY WILL COME.... I am not talking baseball here.... I'm talking NURSERIES.... I have been a slacker and I know others have been disheartened and lost the faith and rooms sit undecorated and unloved .... So to quote Kevin with a slight slant....

I will continue with the NURSERY* this weekend....
*Tate's Kingdom is to the right....>

Sunday, March 26, 2006



Saturday, March 25, 2006


I love to read and have been reading TONS in preparation for raising my little Tate..... Here are some of my most recent good books that I have been reading.... All come with my high recommendations!!!

ARE YOU MY MOTHER? by P.D. Eastman

Journey to find one's own self and the search to find
a place of belonging and acceptance of a mother's
unconditional love.

I Love You Like Crazy Cakes byRose Lewis

A story of International Intrigue of a single
woman who travels to China to save her daughter
from a life time of life in an orphange.

Guess How Much I Love You by Sam McBratney

The universal story of a father's love and the multitude
of ways he tries to prove his love. The child is able to
pattern this love and reciprocates that love.

Friday, March 24, 2006


I am A Belonger...

I belong to two Secret Pal exchanges... January because I thought I was DTC then and February because I am DTC then.... I almost didn't join the February SP but decided that I wanted the chance to get to know these amazing people I will most likely travel with..... This is the gifts that were sent from my February SP to Me, Mesa, and Tate.... I am blown away by the gifts and the creative way they were wrapped. It was almost too cute for me to even want to open these bundles but I couldn't help myself and look at the treasures I got......

Boy did my F.S.P. hit my likes right on the nose!!! She must have an in with someone who knows me or is calling my Mom..... DARK CHOCOLATE and PEEPS!!!! Yeah!!!

And a Birthday gift for me!!!! It is a baby book that I have been wanting.... I can't wait to start adding pictures of Tate.... I have the digital camera, plenty of memory sticks and now I need the subject....



Will you look how cute this package is wrapped??? All four books were wrapped and tied into this bundle of reading.... I almost did not want to open them cause they were so cute!!! But curiousity got the best of me and I ripped away to reveal....

These four books.... I Love You All The Time, Guess How Much I Love You, Are You My Mother and I Love You Like Crazy Cakes....

What was so amazing was that I did not have any of these books!!! Or should I say TATE didn't have these.... But I will enjoy until they are Tate's..... It has always been a goal for me as a mother that I will always have a little snuggle time reading to my kiddos just before bedtime..... What great books to read and share... Oh the picture does not even give the personalized card to Tate justice.... Every single one of these cards will go into Tate's lifebook.



Two gift wrapped presents.... all in dog wrapping paper....

She must have smelled what was inside the gift wrap cause I barely could get the paper off of the ball with out her freakin' out wanting that BALL...

She played with it even before I could take the tags off. As for the cookies, she will get one cookie a day... she is now 92 lbs of snuggle lovin' and needs to look after her girlish puppy body.
Oh and look at that Mesa card... another thing for Tate's scrapbook!!!

Thursday, March 23, 2006



A RUBBER TOY LADY BUG???? It is not just an ordinary rubber Lady Bug toy....

It was the only thing I found after I pulled out the drawers of a buffet I am re-painting. You can see where it was located if you take a look at the right side of the drawer guide.... way in the back... that's it that kind of blurry red dot..... Hmmmmmmmmmm.... this is not my buffet but one that was given to me to redo and use..... You be the judge.... I swear some magic will be happening!!!

Wednesday, March 22, 2006


So I thought I would check out this WORD CLOUD thingy, so I gave it a try.... Kind of fun.... I really must say. Give it a try

Tuesday, March 21, 2006


There was a time where I felt I had no love to give. My love was totally dormant. I was in a dead-end long term relationship and although I thought I loved this man, I still felt stagnat. I wasn't aware I felt that way until the end to the 12+ year relationship. I worked through the hurt and bought a puppy. Too funny you might think, but it is true. My Brother called me one day and suggested that I get a puppy, one that was being advertised at his work. As I was able to pick the puppy, name, care, and train this bundle of fur, I started to feel the love that I was able to give to another living and breathing being. I felt the unconditional love from Mesa as I was able to love unconditionally back.

Today, as I was driving home from mailing my February and January Secret Pal gifts, my heart was full of love for the personally unknown families who were going to be opening my gifts. These families are just names to me, but we are all one large family. We are experiencing the same joy, sorrow, and the same waiting period for our little bundles of Chinese treasures.

As each day draws closer for me to be united with Tate, all my thoughts are of the limitless amounts of love I have to give to her and others who will cross in our paths. Somehow love is a balloon, the more you stretch it the more it is able to expand.

"As I have loved you, love one another"

Sunday, March 19, 2006


I am sure that I am not the only one out in BLOG land that has this problem. First, I have DIAL-UP internet service at home... This is a step up for me cause I used to have free internet that restricted my time. SO... This is my first problem....

I love reading everything on the Blog...EVERY. SINGLE. WORD. YOU GUYS WRITE including the comments!!! But I have a job that does not allow me to sneak onto the Blog world and read instead of work... You know who you are who BLOG instead of actually work... Don't make me say names!!! Okay... Soooooo I have a lunch hour, one lousy hour to use the quick internet service from work and try to read EVERY SINGLE WORD!!! Oh I forgot to mention the ooogling of the new kiddos back from China...THAT TAKES TIME... Especially since I need to find the box of Kleenex during some of the posts..... But I digress (oh how I hate to seeing that word on your blogs). Okay, now where am I???

The PLAN!!!
I have organized my blog reading into four manageable groups... I will read each group every fourth day.... Now if you are in any of these groups, which you are, please cooperate and only blog on your designated blogging days.... This would be greatly appreciated... If you are not willing to cooperate in the four day plan, well.... I guess I will just have to either quit my job and devote full time to blog reading or bite the bullet and get faster internet service.... Oh, and I have heard rumor that I can get a BLOG ROLL... Sounds like some kind of SUSHI roll. Since I am doing this at work on my precious LUNCH hour, just the thought of a BLOG / SUSHI roll is making my stomach growl.... I better DIGRESS and get something to eat...


Saturday, March 18, 2006



A Lady Bug Sighting....
I have never been a believer in this whole ladybug sightings.... But it was the evening of my birthday and it was Wintery outside. After going to dinner with friends to celebrate my birthday, I looked over on the coffee table and saw this little critter.... She must have just been hatched because she was kind of milky and soooo tiny. She had only two spots on her back. I couldn't believe this tiny thing could be a lady bug found in the middle of a FRIGID night....I put on my reading glasses (okay I am of the age to need reading glasses- so wha up?) and during the study of this creature the milkiness of the shell started to turn a red and the two black spot emerged!!! It has got to mean something very magical. I have made a bet with Tiffany that the CCAA will give referrals finishing up with the May LID and give referrals for the whole month of June.... There is a meal riding on this bet and I just think that this little tiny LADY BUG just closed the deal!!! It's got to mean something very MAGICAL is happening!!!!!!!!

Friday, March 17, 2006


I am blown away by this gift.... This Birthday gift is from Donna who sent this to me with a little note saying that "she hopes wearing this makes me feel closer to my sweet Tate"!!!! I will never take it off!!! The only way I will feel closer to Tate is when they place her in my arms on Metcha/Gotcha/Family day!!! I am all choked up!!!

"Symbolizing the unbreakable bond between mother and child, this sterling silver necklace depicts the arms of each as they join to form the shape of a heart".

The Men in Brown (UPS) delivered this sweet package... Does this mean I am THREE timing my FED EX MAN???? Hmmmmmmmmmm.


Thursday, March 16, 2006


I think I just may be two timing FED EX .... Today the US POSTAL SERVICE brought me this adorable PINK Chinese outfit!!! It was given to me for my birthday, which is on St Paddy's Day, and like all good mommas, I am more thrilled that this was for Tate than if it had been my size!!!

Thanks Tana and Company... You are a joy and inspiration to me and countless of others!!!!! And sending love to your United Nations in your home...

Someday Bloggers I will tell you about this amazing Mom and Dad and their very own little United Nations in their home... I need clearance to do that first.....

Thank You!!!!!!

Wednesday, March 15, 2006




Monday, March 13, 2006


So..... What did I do today, you might ask???

Well, a little pre- root canal work with the dentist and then off to Babies R Us to do a little registering....

Wait... Not so fast in thinking it was fun!!! I called my sweet mom to accompany me to the SUPER STORE. The ride from my house to her house is 25 miles. That is 25 miles worth of thinking .... What am I going to need??? Sizes??? Oh my, this baby thing is getting REAL .... Do I register for bottles? Onsies? Too many Decisions--- I am overwhelmed. I take a BIG GULP of air and hold back the tears.... PANIC.... All this attention on me and decisions to make!!!!

I just about stopped the car and called my mom from the cell.... "HUMMMMMM Mom, This root canal business at the dentist today, well, I can't make it to register for baby stuff.... Maybe I will never be able to make it to register..... Could you just go and do it for me?" I fought that urge to make that call for the last 5 miles. As I pull up into the driveway I start to hyperventalate..... Another deep breath and I walk in to see the joy in my Mother's face at the anticipation of going and helping ME make the all the choices for her new Granddaughter .... All is good in this world now with the JOY and HAPPINESS that Tate is bringing to our family.

We both will be resting up to start the registry at TARGET.... THAT WILL HAVE TO BE ANOTHER WEEK.

Sunday, March 12, 2006


I am trying to be patient... Really I am PATIENT!!! I asked my China Coordinator when the referrals from February came out if she knew my LID.... I know that this date will be the date whether I know it or not.... She told me that we didn't have any referrals the month of February and when our agency get referrals, well then THAT is when they hear about the LID. Deep Breath... BIG SIGH.... I will be patient..... Then I start reading on the DTC boards of all these people getting their LID dates..... Hmmmmmmm, I will be PATIENT???? I checking in on other blogs... I came across Lee-Anne, who is going to Bali- (yes this does make me jealous- she knows it too!!) and she is DTC February 3 .... I am DTC February 3..... She has a LID of February 22!!!!! SO I AM EMBRACING THIS DATE AS MY VERY OWN LID.... Unless I hear otherwise.....



Saturday, March 11, 2006



So how did this little princess spend her birthday??? ANYWAY SHE WANTED TO!!!!
Her day started with a her usual habit of snuggling in bed with her mom and dad.... Amazingly she got "tired" and ended up in bed so she could get BREAKFAST IN BED... She invited her sister SPARKLE to join in on the party. Later that day, per her request, she went skiing with just her Dad and had the time of her life!!! Nothing like having your Dad's undivided attention for all day long!!!!! She even mastered the ski lift and is snowplowing like a pro!!! Later a family party where she chose her favorite dinner HAWAIIAN HAYSTACKS (email me if you want the recipe) and had a whole extended family game night. The highlight of the whole evening was watching her first birthday on video..... I cannot believe that this all grown up gal was only a one year old toddling baby just 6 years ago. What was so cool about seeing Twinkle Toes as a one year old was that I keep thinking that in less than one year I will be celebrating Tate's first birthday. I will be able to video and capture her first steps as she learns to walk, glimpse the first two pearly white bottom teeth and hear her first little words. And year after year as Tate grows into a little girl, a pre-teen, a teenager and then an adult..... Each year I will cherish her and watch her first birthday and her second, and her third.... And you know the rest of her life!!!



Yesterday I got to watch my friend's 5 month old daughter while she was at work for 13 hours!!! I was so excited to do this, since it has been 7 years since I have had my hands on the care of a baby that young and for such long of a time. I wanted to see what my life will be like with a baby. Since I love going out to restaurants with friends, I met a friend for lunch. I will say that I picked a KID FRIENDLY place that was noisey enough that if this bundle of joy cried, screamed or was making adorable sounds it would not DISTURB kid-hating adults....But who could possibly be hatin' the sounds of such an adorable baby??? I will say she was perfect and ate her bottle without a problem (mom nurses) and FLIRTED with all the men around us..... Not too shabby for two single gals on the prowl for men.... I was able to master getting her infant car seat in and out of my SUV and could even get the stroller to collapse with only one hand. All in all it was a fantastic day just lovin' on this baby. I think I am ready for my TATE!!!!!!!

Thursday, March 09, 2006


MESA HAS A BZILLIAN BALLS.... Each one is unique and special to her... Can you see any differences in these balls??? Especially the tennis balls???

She has specific ball games she will play. Each ball game having very unique and complicated rules. I am still learning the specifics of these rules.... Mostly on my hands and knees retrieving the balls from under couches. I can hardly wait for Tate to help figure out these rules and play these ball games with Mesa.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006


When I was just a spring chicken and paperchasing, I would lurk into the blogs of the people who have adopted already....with their little gals at home and see all the love and joy and cuteness and and and .....

Then I discovered the Traveling group..... The ones in China going thru the process .... Screaming babies being handed to them... The puzzeling questions of what to do with baby??? Feed?? Sleep??? Bond???? The joys of Walmart and squeaky shoes.... And the nightmarish flight home..... The jet lag and adjustment......

These were all faces and names....

But now I have discovered and bonded and become blogger friends with this new group ..... The ones with DTC/LID of July....August.... etc.... It has become PERSONAL!!! I have followed along the emotional roller coaster of the slow downs, the rumors, the single and weight restrictions (rumors).... The RUMORS..... Now my blogger friends have passed successfully thru the review room and lovingly are in the hands of the people who hold family's futures..... This is becoming personal!!! I am now emotionally vested in this thing.... It is not just about ME.... But has become REAL!!!!



Monday, March 06, 2006


I have a lot on my mind and first and foremost is becoming a momma..... I am also looking at turning the big 49 in a few weeks which is marching towards the countdown of the big {{{{{ 50 }}}}} *gasp*!!!!! So I have been worrying .... About everything!!! I don't think I am a worrier, not any more than the average person.... But this adoption is well, put me into a hurricane of worry.... Hmmmmm, I will be 68 when my daughter graduates High School.... So I tell myself that I will turn 68 whether or not I have a daughter graduating from High School, and boy will that 18 years be full of Joy.... Then I worry about MONEY.... How will I afford daycare, lessons, retirement????? I know everyone goes thru this and I am not unique.... So I pray..... And sometimes my prayers get answered thru others..... Something you say,you do, or you write. Last night I offered up a prayer about these very things.... This is the answer that hit me today when reading a posting of a good friend's blog.

Some would gather money along the path of life
Some would gather roses, to rest from worldly strife
But I would gather children from among the thorns of sin
I would seek a little curl and a big and toothless grin

For money cannot enter in the land of endless day
And roses that are gathered will wilt along the way
But, oh, the laughing children, as I cross the endless sea
And the gates swing wide in heaven
I can take them in with me.

I am not one to share my spiritual side to many.... Those who know me know me as a fun loving wild girl.... Those who really know me know me as the before mentioned but also with a spiritual side. Whatever, I feel more at peace with my decision....

Sunday, March 05, 2006



After work the other night I was taking Mesa for a walk and one of the places we always head for a quick run and chase the ball activity is the Elementary School that Tate will be going to. As we were leaving the school ground, I looked up to a crescent moon and thought this is the same moon that my daughter's birth mama looks at. Could she still be carrying my little daughter in her womb? Or has Tate already been born and abandoned? Tears swelled in my eyes and I looked down to see this child like painting representing this whole wide world. I saw the orange that represented China and as I stood on China I looked across at the red area that was to be America. I felt so empty for my baby. Alone and sad.

MESA must have sensed my mood and stopped heading for the gate out of the playground and turned around to lay at my feet. I know I am a geek.... But I talk to her. Even thought she might not understand my words, she understands my heart and listened to me explain my emptiness and tears at this time. What can this 90 lbs of snuggle lovin' fun do but to look at me with her soft brown eyes and let me hug her and cry. Somewhere in China my daughter lives. She is growing and learning to be her own little person. Prayers of Love and Hope are sent each night to her. What more can I do????

Saturday, March 04, 2006


I have been so busy and crazy (at work.. Not in my head) that I realize that it has been since Wednesday I last posted.... I know everyone is having withdrawals (HAHAHA) from the self centered world of Tate-r-bug. I remember the feeling of being disappointed when the blogs I follow didn't post.... Not even a stupid update like this one. I've got a ton of future postings in my mind but have not had the time to get it together. And since I have this kick butt new digital camera from Christmas, you know I am trying to get pictures to go with my thoughts. In the mean time, you can wander over to see the progress of the quilt square collection and check out the ever slow but progression of Tate's Kingdom (nursery).... Enjoy if you want, give me suggestion on the nursery in comments, send me an email if you want to swap quilt swatches and wishes and later today I just might post something about my dog. OH one more thing to look forward to...HeeeeHeeee, HA!!!!

Wednesday, March 01, 2006