REGRESSING???

A few years ago people looking in on my life would say that I had quite the life. I was envied by my married friends because I could sleep in and do what I wanted to with my time. I had my long-term boyfriend (Boy-Toy) who would fill my time with nothing but fun and frivolousness. But it was very unfulfilling. We would go at a moments notice (one hour warning) on a weekend trip to Jackson Hole, WY (only a 5 hours drive from where I live) or end up in the mountains when I had dressed for shopping at a mall. I had to be spontaneous and it was fun. An example of this spontaneity was, one day I thought we were going to lunch. I was dressed in shorts and tennis shoes. We ended up taking the Tram at Snowbird ski resort to the top of a mountain. It was Summer and the view was breathtaking so we decided to walk down the mountain. The way down was steep with a BIG vertical decline. I was not wearing hiking boots and the steep slope put pressure on my big toes. The whole two hour trek down I was in such pain. At the end of my journey, the pressure on my toes caused me to loose both of my BIG TOE nails….. OUCH!!!!

Another thing that added to my envious life was that as a second job, I was working at Continental airlines in their reservations area. I was working very minimal hours but could travel all over the world and often in First Class. At my full time job at a hospital, I worked three twelve hour shifts per week and was able to manipulate days so that I had long stretches of days off in a row…. and used it to travel.

Fun, spontaneous but also MEANINGLESS.

After 9/11 happened, the airlines asked for volunteers to take a long term leave but keep the traveling benefits. I was all about this and jumped on this offer. Three years later, I was furloughed and lost my flight benefits with the promise that when Continental was ready to hire again I would be first to be called and offered my same seniority (which is important when working at an airlines) and start back at the same pay I left at. This was also the same time that my Boy-Toy and I decided to end our dead-end relationship. This was a hard time and once I grieved over my sudden change in my envious life, I started to grow and change. As I have said before, this is the time I got my dog, Mesa, and my capacity to love started to flourish.

Fast forward to right now….

As everyone knows, this adoption and buying baby things is expensive. So I started considering a second job, just until I got Tate here. An answer to prayers, I received a call from Continental airlines asking if I wanted to go back to work part time. I start back on Monday.

On my mind now I am wondering if I am stepping back in my life. Am I regressing instead of growing??? I think of all the fun trips I could take and the places I have yet to visit. And another really strange thing…. I have not seen my Boy Toy for over two years. I was in a grocery store parking the other day and there he was. We had a quick surface type chat with each other. Oh please, Oh please….. I hope he doesn’t call me. I really cannot go back to that meaningless unfulfilling life I had before.