Friday, March 31, 2006

REGRESSING???

A few years ago people looking in on my life would say that I had quite the life. I was envied by my married friends because I could sleep in and do what I wanted to with my time. I had my long-term boyfriend (Boy-Toy) who would fill my time with nothing but fun and frivolousness. But it was very unfulfilling. We would go at a moments notice (one hour warning) on a weekend trip to Jackson Hole, WY (only a 5 hours drive from where I live) or end up in the mountains when I had dressed for shopping at a mall. I had to be spontaneous and it was fun. An example of this spontaneity was, one day I thought we were going to lunch. I was dressed in shorts and tennis shoes. We ended up taking the Tram at Snowbird ski resort to the top of a mountain. It was Summer and the view was breathtaking so we decided to walk down the mountain. The way down was steep with a BIG vertical decline. I was not wearing hiking boots and the steep slope put pressure on my big toes. The whole two hour trek down I was in such pain. At the end of my journey, the pressure on my toes caused me to loose both of my BIG TOE nails….. OUCH!!!!

Another thing that added to my envious life was that as a second job, I was working at Continental airlines in their reservations area. I was working very minimal hours but could travel all over the world and often in First Class. At my full time job at a hospital, I worked three twelve hour shifts per week and was able to manipulate days so that I had long stretches of days off in a row…. and used it to travel.

Fun, spontaneous but also MEANINGLESS.

After 9/11 happened, the airlines asked for volunteers to take a long term leave but keep the traveling benefits. I was all about this and jumped on this offer. Three years later, I was furloughed and lost my flight benefits with the promise that when Continental was ready to hire again I would be first to be called and offered my same seniority (which is important when working at an airlines) and start back at the same pay I left at. This was also the same time that my Boy-Toy and I decided to end our dead-end relationship. This was a hard time and once I grieved over my sudden change in my envious life, I started to grow and change. As I have said before, this is the time I got my dog, Mesa, and my capacity to
love started to flourish.

Fast forward to right now….
As everyone knows, this adoption and buying baby things is expensive. So I started considering a second job, just until I got Tate here. An answer to prayers, I received a call from Continental airlines asking if I wanted to go back to work part time. I start back on Monday.

On my mind now I am wondering if I am stepping back in my life. Am I regressing instead of growing??? I think of all the fun trips I could take and the places I have yet to visit. And another really strange thing…. I have not seen my Boy Toy for over two years. I was in a grocery store parking the other day and there he was. We had a quick surface type chat with each other. Oh please, Oh please….. I hope he doesn’t call me. I really cannot go back to that meaningless unfulfilling life I had before.

9 comments:

Cindy said...

Unsolicited Advice: You can't ever go back. You can be in the exact same circumstances (Same job, same boy toy, same grocery store etc) but you can never be the same person you were then therefore you can never truly regress. You have learned and grown and loved. You can take the good and should know how to weed out the bad cause you will recognise it. The fact that you are questioning it is the bigest signal of all.

Shannon said...

I don't think you are regressing at all. You aren't taking the job again so you can go off and play, you are taking it to pay for the adoption. The whole meaning behind it is different now. YOU are different too. You couldn't be who you were before if you wanted to.

Sandy said...

Great timing on the job offer from Continental! I've been trying to find a second job where I actually like the hours! As for the boy toy, he served his purpose and unless he can help fix things around your house, keep him where he belongs, in your beloved memories!

Joannah said...

I like what Sandy said!

Sheryl said...

Maybe you will be able to get a good deal on airline tickets to China now!

Anonymous said...

If he calls you, just let me know and I'll open up a can of whoop-*** on him. ;o) Seriously, Lisa - DON'T be tempted!

Have fun at work on Monday! :o)

Tana

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