After work the other night I was taking Mesa for a walk and one of the places we always head for a quick run and chase the ball activity is the Elementary School that Tate will be going to. As we were leaving the school ground, I looked up to a crescent moon and thought this is the same moon that my daughter's birth mama looks at. Could she still be carrying my little daughter in her womb? Or has Tate already been born and abandoned? Tears swelled in my eyes and I looked down to see this child like painting representing this whole wide world. I saw the orange that represented China and as I stood on China I looked across at the red area that was to be America. I felt so empty for my baby. Alone and sad.
MESA must have sensed my mood and stopped heading for the gate out of the playground and turned around to lay at my feet. I know I am a geek.... But I talk to her. Even thought she might not understand my words, she understands my heart and listened to me explain my emptiness and tears at this time. What can this 90 lbs of snuggle lovin' fun do but to look at me with her soft brown eyes and let me hug her and cry. Somewhere in China my daughter lives. She is growing and learning to be her own little person. Prayers of Love and Hope are sent each night to her. What more can I do????
11 comments:
Lisa,
Feeling sad I think is so normal. I just keep believing where ever our daughter is she is being cared for until we can get to her. Still a prayer each night doesn't hurt. Hang in there!!!
Loved your post, as I also have those same thoughts daily - Is she born yet, etc... It's agonizing!! Those photos of Mesa are priceless, she is a beauty (not to mention one of my favorite breeds)
I totally understand your thoughts and feelings. And your talking to your dog!! =) Keep sending love "all the way over there" and she'll feel it. Tate will be in your arms soon and you'll be able to tell her stories like this, of her growing in your heart.
Thanks for the Sunday cry. :-) I totally understand how you are feeling. I am pretty sure little Hannah is born by now...but one never knows. I pray every night for her health & happiness until we go to get her.
I lOVE to pics of Mesa. Dogs are very smart and intuitive..(sp.?) My Copper knows my every mood and always knows what I am thinking. Amazing.
Another week closer to your little one. Smile with that thought.
Ruby and I have just had a little talk & we decided that each night we will now also add your sweet little 'Tate' to our bedtime prayers...
... and I talk to Ebenezer too, and you are so right, they may not understand the words, but they sure as hell understand our hearts. Is there any doubt as to their holding the title of 'man's best friend'? DOGS RULE! =)
Tate is one very lucky little girl that is blessed with not only an amazing gentle dog but a wonderful, loving & patient mother who holds her in her heart every second of every day & includes her in her daily prayers.
I will be so thrilled to oneday soon, look upon the face of your precious daughter.
LOVE YOU!
-Amy & Ruby Cate
The way you reveal your heart tells me that you will be a wondeful mom to little Tate.
Sniffle, sniffle, you've got me tearing up now too! This process is so emotional sometimes. I'll add Tate to my prayers for Eliza! Hang on girls...mommies are on their way!!!! I wonder if these little ones have any idea what they're in store for in a few months? I wonder if I know what I'm in store for in a few months!!! ;) And...as for talking to the dog...I'm guilty too...Beau's such a good listener!
Tiffany
Lisa,
I know exactly how you feel. I have these moments that I am overcome with thoughts of A. Is she born? Is she safe and warm? I try to write these feelings in my journal. Maybe there is some connection to your feelings and when she is born, or found... Sounds corny, I know!
Oh, I talk to my dogs ALL the time. They are the only ones that listen to me and they never argue with me! ;-)
Thinking about you!
ahhhh, Lisa- I remember feeling this exact same way. My heart is with you. All you can really do is have faith. Have faith that your baby is warm and safe and that the moment she is finally in your arms, she will know she is with her mama- and she will love you as much as you already love her. Just have faith.
Hugs, Shana :)
I understand how you are feeling.
It seems like some days are just a little harder than other's. I hate just not knowing if she is born and I worry that she is crying or if she is sad, etc. My husband just tell's me to have faith that she is being cared for.
Sometimes, it's easier said than done.
Lisa
Aren't dogs the best for understanding our moods! Those are precious pics of Mesa on the map, and will be a great reminder of your wait once Tate is home!
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