Thursday, November 11, 2010

Today it happened…. and it broke my heart

The hurtful words “you don’t have a daddy”.

I knew this was going to happen ONE day, but not today.  Tate is a few months over two years old and the little girl who said it to her is almost four.  Way too young for one to say to an even younger girl.  Not just a girl but my baby girl.

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When I started down this road as a single mommy, I knew that it would be hard.  Emotionally, physically and financially HARD.  The knowledge that someday I will have to explain her beginning circumstances of abandonment and why she does not have a daddy.  Two hard questions that I want her to understand but not have it define who Tate is.

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Brilliant beautiful Tate. 

Not in my wildest dreams would I have imagined the joy she brings into my life.

17 comments:

Circe said...

And it starts. It's heart wrenching! But those "mean girls" and their insensitive comments don't matter as much as Tate's infinite beauty and her mom's infinite love for her. She has a daddy. It's her Father in Heaven, and he knows her mommy will handle the tough questions just right. That's why he sent her to your family. Love you!

Luna said...

That makes me want to cry. Hugs to you and to Tate!

Ginny said...

The first time is always the hardest. I've learned that my two can now field that one on their own because you are absolutely right - it's not what defines us.
See - you already know the answer.

Bret, Nate, Emily, Ethan said...

Comments like that one are heart breaking! Tate is an incredibly beautiful daughter of God. I would teach her to tell them, I DO have a daddy. He is in Heaven and He watches over me every day.

Laura said...

The only thing I can thing to say to a 2 year old is that she may not have a daddy, BUT she has a Mommy and a cousin and an uncle and an aunt (and...whatever) that love her very very much! Sometimes it might be hard not to have a daddy, but she is lucky to have lots of other people who love her more than anything!

Eliza2006 said...

Awww, 4 year olds aren't mean, they are just truthful. It is hard the first time you hear it as a parent, but it's reality. Truthfully, Tate probably doesn't feel anything about not having a dad at this point. I always tell my kids they have a daddy. It takes a mommy and a daddy to make a baby. We just don't have a daddy in our home because mommy isn't married. Facts. I just try to stick with the facts which will hopefully give them the opportunity to develop their own feelings in time and then I can be supportive (whatever their feelings may be).

Julie said...

Hugs girl.

Start reinforcing with her what your family does have and that families are different and that's okay and when it does start to hit her, she'll be able to Wade through it. I've also told Tess I will share my dad with her and she really likes that.

Blain & Maggie said...

Tate has an awesome Mom and sadly that's more than some kids have. So sorry to hear that this sort of thing first happens at such a young age.

OziMum said...

I feel for you! Tari had a little girl 3 yrs older than her say "your mummy bought you in a shop in china"... thankfully Tari is still a bit young to have any idea what that means.

Still breaks your heart though!

Ani said...

Hugs to you and Tate!
As you well know, all families are different and all families are special - and with a Mommy like you to guide her through the good, not so good and the just plain hard times life will bring, Tate has pretty much all she needs :-)

M3 said...

Aw, big hugs. Love the advice to just talk about the facts. Good advice for the whole adoption discussion too. It's hard though -- I get all emotional!!

Jewels of My Heart said...

I am so sorry.... it breaks my heart too. We try so hard to protect our children... it would seem the one thing we can not protect them from is the human tongue and it is able to inflict much pain.
Will be praying for your girls... Tate is so beautiful it was the hand of God that brought her home to her Mama.
God bless you,
Love,
Daleea

Ginny said...

We will be arriving in SLC on 1/22 at about 10am in the morning and don't have to be up at Deer Valley until sometime the next day.
Hope you can get the day off.
Have a great Thanksgiving.

Abby's Mom said...

Oh (HUGS)! I remember the pain of that. She was around 2 and asked me where Abby's Daddy was. My stomach still twists when I think about it. The Family Book by Todd Farr (Pharr? can't remember how to spell it) is awesome and really helped us. You can tape pictures of all of Tates family members onto the inside back cover. We reinforce what the book says all the time and talk about how lucky Abby is to have a Mommy, Meema,Da, Auntie L. ECT... She seems fine with it now and says it matter of factly every now and then. Im sure she still wants one though. Heck so do I :) I also remind her of various families that we know in similar circumstances.

laurel said...

I am sorry it happened and at such a young age. But, I am sure Tate will be fine and understand how totally lucky she is to have you!

She is a doll!

Shannon said...

Yup. But I realize now she doesn't quite get it yet and I've been practicing the short but sweet facts and nothing more just like Tiffany wrote. Right now, any man is a daddy. REALLY embarrassing at the grocery store...Hi Daddy! Oh my... Hugs.

mason's mom said...

A little girl made the announcement the my son Mason "doesn't have a dad" at a birthday party. I was so mad but he just rolled with it and said "that's okay". Later, her mother took her aside and let her have it. She was miserable the entire party and Mason had the best time.