IN THE MOMENT

Four years ago, someone suggested I adopt from China. Two years ago Tana (that someone), suggested it again as she was going for her second Chinese daughter, Sofie. This time IT just felt right, and off I went on this amazing journey for Tate. In the back of my mind I have always thought of ways to keep Tate connected to who she truly is. The melting pot as I think of it. She will be by birth and race, Chinese. Just looking at her will give that simple piece of truth. The rest will be up to me. She is formost AMERICAN.... what better culture that represents the melting pot of people and culture. By instinct, I will provide her with Norwegian traditions, customs and some words. I plan on celebrating all holidays of the US, China, Norway, and the diversity of the US..... Greek festivals, Cinco De Mayo, Italian days..... All of it..... Just by saying this, I feel like my life will be nothing but celebrations and parties. I want Tate to feel that so many elements make up who really she is.... That she is unique, yet she is "normal". This normalcy drives me to make the connections with others who have adopted from China. I love to socialize but somehow I crave this connection with others who are in my similar situation. I am counting on this support to help me thru the tough time of unanswered questions, feelings of value, and abandonment. I plan on being there for those I could help. We all have been entrusted with the well being of the greatest gift ever, that of the love and caring of a child, and not just a child, a child who is in need of ME as much as I am in need of HER. Today I feel that need for HER. It is a snowy lazy Sunday morning, and boy do I wish I had a little snuggle baby to be with.....Cook teddy bear pancakes, rock and read to. As with everything in my life, I say there is always tomorrow. That tomorrow is just getting closer each and every passing day. Who knows one year from today, I will be wishing for the type of alone day that I am having today. I guess I just want what I do not have at the moment. But this very moment would be so magical if only I held TATE.......