Tuesday, August 14, 2007

NIGHTMARE of a Dream

I finally started having one of THOSE dreams. You know the kind I'm talking about? People would comment on how well I seem to be handling this wait for Tate. I've been feeling that I would just carry on until the time finally comes for the referral for Tate. This is what my intellectual side was tell myself and as well as what I was telling others. Who would have known that my subconscious had other feelings. The other morning I woke up with a dream fresh on my mind. This dream was me frantically looking for a phone number and once dialed not connecting. I was so unset that I could not find who had my TATE. The whole time I was sobbing silent tears. Ever since I have had this dream, I feel a knot in my chest and a longing for my future to start.

9 comments:

Headmeister said...

You know, I totally understand - that's how my brain works too - the stuff comes out in my dreams... Sorry you had to have that happen, I know how anxious it can make you!

M3 said...

Oh I'm so sorry -- those kinds of dreams are terrible! And the subconscious pain that caused it is even worse. Sending huge hugs, and can't wait to see you.

Doris & Dan said...

That is a longing a lot of us have. Hugs to you and I hope your dreams are sweeter and leave you feeling rested.

Keep smilin!

Shelley said...

Ugh! Those nightmares ...and the feelings that follow them ...are so hard to shake. I'm so sorry you had to go through that.

Just know that you are doing a great job putting your wait into perspective. In the long run (and this is a. long. run.) the attitude you have decided to have will cause you a lot less angst and tears (but it will manifest itself from time to time). Hang in there.

And you are going to make a great Mom!!!

Shell

Jewels of My Heart said...

I long for the day when you and your precious Tate have nothing but sweet, sweet dreams...
God's Speed

Joannah said...

I'm so sorry, Lisa! I wish I could give you a hug - and a date for your referral!

Shannon S said...

Simply Awful nightmare. All that scary frustration and hurt built up in our heads.
BTW, The Innocence Mission...blast from the past!

Paulette said...

I too have had some disturbing dreams. Our minds are trying to figure all this out. We come off as doing great with the wait to those on the outside but on the inside we are a mess. This is our insides way to work through our pain.

Michelle said...

I had the worst dream of my life a few months ago. It was about Sophie. We had travelled to China with our travel group, and everyone had received their babies but us. Our agency said they didn't know what happened, and were sorry but there was nothing they could do. Joe and I wandered around China, sobbing, looking for our child. I actually woke up with tears on my face. The only other time that happened was when my Mom died. I think it is normal to have those kinds of dreams when our futures are so up in the air and we have no idea when we will meet our children. I'm sorry you had rto experience that, but I totally understand.