Monday, October 13, 2008

BI-POLAR BEAR.... GRRRRRRR

For some reason tonight I have been on the verge of tears. I just cannot explain it. This morning started with a low..... could not get myself going on anything. I felt like sitting in front of Food network and the Internet, and DO NOTHING. I heard a plop on the front porch and saw the F*dex truck leave my home. My first reaction was "no way... my referral!" Hey miracles do happen. Once I got my head out of the clouds, I realized it was for my re-finance and stuff that needed to be signed and fax off immediately. At least something got me going, and boy did it! What started as a low morning hit a high note and off I went accomplishing tasks that needed to be done for months. Shoe repair, replacing batteries in two watches, returned soon to be delinquent library books, bead store shopping, measuring for kitchen curtains.

I was on a high---rolling along--- doing stuff!!!
Oh, but how quickly I hit the top and started plummeting downhill. SO I am sitting back on the couch, TV on watching J*n and K*te plus eight, cruising the Internet and feeling very emotional.

Down and up and down.... kind of like a titter-totter.
I am by nature a pretty even tempered gal. Never such wide mood swings as I am experiencing now. I have so much on my plate right now- figuratively..... I am re-financing for the adoption and to do "home repairs". Once I close (hopefully tomorrow) the real fun will begin. Oh how I hate the wait for financial stuff!
The unknown, the when, the ifs, the how much.
I stare at all the projects that need to get done before Tate. I realize that this is kind of a continuous theme here at my old house.

While crusin' the net, I happened upon a rumor... mind you this early in the month these rumors are just that....RUMORS! Rumor has it that there will be a possibility of 15 days of referrals. SO I pull out the old calender just to see. Now it has been established that, I am not a mathematician, so I actually did count the days. If they finish the rest of February 16 2006 and do 15 days worth....
OH.MY.HECK....
This would put referrals through March 2..... which would mean only 5 more days and they would have matched me to my gal! With this gem of knowledge, you would think that I would be screaming from the top of our Rocky Mountains.... NO SUCH A THING! I am at the perils of TEARS...
Sobby, emotional tears
Too much on my plate, I tell you! I am off to bed and HOPE that the night's slumber will ease me awake to happy days tomorrow.

22 comments:

Ava's family said...

Ohhhh no, you read that rumor on my blog and it made you cry! I feel awful!!! I hope you have a better day today. I can't wait until this waiting finally comes to an end....It sure can mess with a persons emotions. ((hugs))

a Tonggu Momma said...

The first time around, with the Tongginator, the closer I got to becoming a mommy, the more I freaked out. One thing that really, really, really helped me was reading the book post-adoption blues by Karen Foli. I should have read it BEFORE referral and/or travel, then again a couple of times after we came home.

Ginny said...

Ahh, yes, perfectly normal. Your dream is about to become to realized - there is a whole lot of terror in that! I remember the weeks leading up to referral day being the same way. I know that doesn't make it any better but I hope it helps knowing it is perfectly normal.
Ginny

3D said...

We have days like that. Hard to get through. I hope today is sunnier and bright for you. Hugs and good thoughts.

Keep smilin!

Shannon said...

I remember those days. Hang in there. You'll be ok. It's sooo hard waiting and waiting and waiting and never knowing what was going to happen next. It's a miracle that a gang of would be adoptive parents haven't stormed a Chinese embassy some where. Honestly!! LOL Big hug to you!

PIPO said...

Can I ever relate to this. I think we are on the exact same trajectory, m'dear.

I know the cure: referral!

Kayce said...

Hugs Lisa. I've had my share of days like that and yes when the Fed*EX guy stops at my house I do a little dreaming. Good luck with the refi and the house repairs. Hugs my friend.

Andrea said...

A fifteen day batch??? Holy sh*t!! (Sorry, that was the first thing I thought of when you said that) Got to love the raging hormones of pre-adoptive mommas! I hope it is true though, I really do!

Chrissy, said...

I hope you were able to sleep. Sometimes things do seem better in the morning. Hang in there. NO mother could nest for as long as you have preparing for Tate and not have a day like you did.

Momma and ZZ said...

I think you are doing great, look how far you have come on this road...you are almost there. My heart stopped when you mentioned the FedEx truck, wooo. Anyway, I know it doesn't seem like it, but a ton of joy is coming your way.

Michelle said...

You just described a typical day for me :) I hate those rumors. That's why I stopped following them. I think it is perfectly normal to be this close to your dream and have these feelings. I know it's not fun though. You are in my thoughts!

Polar Bear said...

I hope you're feeling better after some rest!
This is definitely the LONGEST roller coaster ride on earth. There is light at the end of the tunnel! Maybe only a pinhole, but it's there.

HUGS!!!

Half Gaelic, Half Garlic! said...

Hang in there....

It must be going around right now, because I have been a mess myself lately!!

Sometimes I think the closer you get the more real it becomes...it is exciting and scary at the same time!

I did not see this rumor yet, I am heading over now, but I did receive an interesting email about the I600 and I800...did you see that one? It looks like things are looking up and we can all stop obsessing about the new forms and processes!!!

Jenn said...

Wish I lived closer and could take you out for something chocolate...Hang in there! Tate is coming soon-and she won't care what house projects are done or not!

Shannon said...

Oh, I can't tell you the crying jags (over not finding the ranch dressing in the grocery store?!) that I've experienced over the past month. At least soon your tears will be of joy and anticipation. =) Hugs to you.

John & Michelle said...

Lisa~
Emotions are normal and you are almost a mom, which I understand is an extreamly emotional job!!! Can't wait to see the 2 of you together! I love the rumor of 15 days!!!
Michelle
Illinois
LID 3/8/07 for Raegan!

Abby's Mom said...

Chin Up! Tate is waiting for you! Can't wait to see her little face :) Sending BIG (((HUGS)))your way!

Eliza2006 said...

Funny title. You are almost there!

LiLi said...

I can't imagine what it's like to be that close to referral. I am emotionally up and down and I am so far away.....I am sure I'll be on pins and needles when it gets that close. Take care of yourself - the wait is almost over.

I would have let out a scream for 15 days too!

Donna said...

What a rollercoaster, girl! Hang in there...

PS I sure hope that rumor IS true!

Alyson & Ford said...

The entire wait has been a roller coaster in constant motion, it never stops!! Wait until you have your new child and hang on! You are so close!!

Alyson LID 01/27/06
Mommy to Alyzabeth for One Month!

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