This is typical for a night around Casa Winger....
I am tossing and turning, my sheets are pulled out of the mattress, I.CANNOT.GET.COMFORTABLE. and just relax. I have tried to count sheep, focus on nothing, hum a zen-ee like sound. Flip from side to side, tummy to back. Up to the potty, stretch, relax.... Worrying, Wondering in the Wee hours. Somehow the more I try to sleep the more awake I have become.
ON.MY.MIND. Tonight......
The only time I seem to find time to relax and read is just before going to bed. I just finished the book Silent Tears. Silent Tears is the four year journal of Kay Bratt, who volunteered in a Chinese orphanage. IT.WAS.HEARTWRENCHING. Maybe not such a good idea to read this type of a book so close to a referral for my Tate. My mind could not settle down and relax. All I could do was envision Tate experiencing the life that was being described in the book. My only consultation was the hopeful feelings that things have gotten better in orphanages in the last few year and the use of foster families are much more prevalent in caring for these orphaned kids. I do think it is a must read for those of us adopting our kids. It gives more of an insight into the possible life lived before these kids came into the safety and love of their families.
If you read Silent Tears, what did you think?
If you have things on your mind and want to share for Wide Awake Wednesday.... leave a comment, I will post a link to your blog.......
20 comments:
I think I am going to have to find that book. I'm on fall break next week, it may be a good time to read it.
Keeping me up, a dog barking since 3am!!! Now he's sound asleep! Grrrr....
i don't think that the author is a very good writer, but her message is important.
the reality of silent tears broke my heart. as a mom of 2 from china, one nsn and one waiting child, i visited both of my daughters orphanages. they were heartwrenching days.
we all (parents of kids from china) want to beleive that our babies could not possibly have experienced these things. but logically you have to accept that they probably did and you will never know if they were loved or ignored, mistreated or not, cuddled, neglected, cold wet and hungry for hour.
my kids are now 3 and 6. both have what i call "shadows" from the first year of thier lives. they are wonderful happy healthy girls, with some mild quirks.
i found silent tears a sobering read, the facts were important. i too think that people should read this book .
but the writers style and egocentrism was kind of like chewing on bark to me.
I agree with Chris' comment. I read Silent Tears and I'm glad I did. I wasn't surprised by anything that I read, but it broke my heart. I want to believe that my children were held when they cried. I want to believe that they were loved and taken care of. We all do....
You probably shouldn't have read it right before your referral, silly girl! You just have to have faith that when your daughter is finally in your arms that all the hugs and love you give to her will make up for her beginnings.
I will sing to you if that would help. Of course you may be "out" not due to sleep, but because you knocked yourself out to get away from the sound.
Oh yeah...I haven't read the book. I haven't read anything since we got Maylin....
I have not read it but will be going to the library tomorrow. Why am I wide awake...cause night is the only time my house is quiet anymore...lol. And I can't stop running all the things I am worried about thru my head. I may have to jump on the Wide Awake Wed. band wagon. Who knows..w.e may be able to help each other sleep.
It is definitely a difficult read, but an important one. I know some families of Chinese adoptees are not thrilled with the book and want to believe all of our children came from loving and caring orphanges. But burying your head in the sand isn't really the answer.
I don't know if her situation is typical, but it does happen, I'm sure.
5 cups Smith's cinnamon bread, 2 c. sweetened cond. milk or milk or cream. Mix. Mix 3 eggs, 1/3 c. sugar, 1/3 c. browm sugar, vanilla, pumpkin pie spice and 15 oz can pureed pumpkin. Mix it all together, throw in 9x13 pan, bake at 325 for 45. I think that's how it goes. It's yummy! I was kept up all night by bad dreams that I accidentally killed someone. How horrible is that??? I think I might be getting Silent Tears for my b-day. I can't wait to read it and lay awake all night!
I'm reading it now...I'm reading it very slowly as it is too much to take in all at once.
I haven't read that book yet, but now I'll have to put it on the top of my next read list.
I'm the same with relax and read before bed, it's my time and I love it even if it's just for 30 minutes.
I have no idea why you are having trouble sleeping. ;) I think it's because a baby is coming soon!
I really need to get that book. I have heard it is sad to read but definitely worth it.
First, I'm NOT staying awake with you. I've had too many late nights by choice and I need sleep.
Second, I'm glad I read the book even thought the content was hard. Perspective is important, including someone elses. It gives a glimpse into your own reality.
http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/3832016.Silent_Tears_A_Journey_of_Hope_in_a_Chinese_Orphanage
By the way, I have major issues with insomnia. I talked to my Dr. and she told me not to stay in bed. She said to get up, leave the lights as dim as possible and read or do something that is quiet. (She suggested knitting or cross stitch.) She said to make sure I'm not on the computer or watching TV at least two hours before bed! The flashing screen winds your brain up. I think I'm going to start going to bed early and getting up before the kids to do my online work! ;o)
Bless you for continuing to read about China. I haven't read that but would like to. Actually- I have stopped doing "China things" reading, studying Mandarin, writing in my journal for baby Li- it just got to be too hard. You're so close though.....do you journal to Tate what you are thinking/feeling why you wait? Private stuff you may not necessarily want to blog about? Just wondering. Hang in there and get some sleep!
Sounds like, I need to read it... maybe not now - after I have MIni?!!
Hmmm, not sure if I should read it or not! An adoption book (of sorts) that I HIGHLY recommend is:
There is no me Without You by Melissa Faye Green
It's the true story of one woman who takes in some of Ethiopia's AIDS orphans and their journeys to adoptive families. It would appeal to anyone but especially families who've experienced international adoption. The writing is almost poetic, the stories touching. Can't say enough good about it.
Eileen
http://scravings.blogspot.com
Thanks for the birthday wishes...
and I may join you in wide awake Wednesday...I am GREAT at staying awake wondering stuff!
I pray your little Tate is being taken care of by someone who truly loves her..... What a long journey it has been but very soon all your heartache is going to be swept away in the current of overflowing, pure joy!
God's Speed.... can't wait to see her in her Mama's arms...
lol,so nice
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