SHHHHHHH.....

Don't say a word. I just might be spotted in Minneapolis St Paul area for a quick 36 hrs. I just have to have me a Tessie fix on the way to a meeting in Houston on Sunday!!!

Julie get Tessie's cheeks ready for some kissing!!!

FOREVER LILY.....UPDATE

UPDATE.......
I am finally getting around to reading this book, Forever Lily. I'm wondering for those who have read this, what is your thoughts on this book? Did you like it? How did you like the dream sequences to the book?

******UPDATE******

So I finished reading the book late last night. The dream scenes I just kind of skimmed over. But I am guessing the author felt it must be told, since this is based on a true story. As Catherine stated, it is one persons experience of her adoption journey. I really did not like the book and kind of forced myself to finish it. I have read China Ghosts and Meeting Sophie and those I loved and could not put down.


Thanks for responding to my question.... I kept hearing how great this book was and I'm like thinking "what is wrong with me that I am not liking it".

Amy... I am sending you the book to read....

YIKES....

I was one of "those" intrusive person. The dreaded, the hated, the obnoxious person. Don't be hating, let me explain.....

I found myself on a mini-vacation along the coast in San Luis Obispo, at a street fair, outside the jumping cage watching my great-nephew go crazy. Yes, I am that old to be a Great-Aunt. Standing next to me was a momma watching her Asian son, also going crazy in the jumping cage. I just had to. Since her son was not within hearing distance, I just went with it. I asked her if her son was adopted. I am sure she is thinking what a jerk I am. As quickly as I asked the question, I stated that I have been waiting for 2 years to adopt from China. She grabbed me and hugged me! What an unexpected response. Her son was adopted from Taiwan. She knows the agony of the wait, the unknown, and more wait. Great conversation and sharing.... and then as quickly as we met, the boys were out of the cage and we both went on our way with boys in hand.

I did take away from this conversation added strength and renewal that the long wait has an amazing outcome.... The woman will never know how her random act of conversation and sharing helped this waiting momma.

HAPPY EASTER.....

PEEPS!!!!

YOU KNOW YOU'RE AN ADOPTIVE PARENT WHEN........

I saw this on another blog and thought it was so timely for what I blogged about yesterday...


1. The fact that there are 143 million children without a parent to kiss them goodnight has made you lose sleep.

2. You realize DNA has nothing to do with love and family.

3. You can't watch Adoption Stories on TLC without sobbing.

4. The fact that, if 7% of Christians adopted 1 child there would be no orphans in the world, is convicting to you.

5. You spend free time surfing blogs about families who have experienced the blessing of adoption.

6. It drives you crazy when people ask you about adopted child's 'real' parents.

7. You have ever been 'pregnant' with your adoptive child longer than it takes an elephant to give birth. (2 years!)

8. You had no idea how you would afford to adopt but stepped out in faith anyway, knowing where God calls you He will provide.

9. You have ever taken an airplane ride half-way around the world with a child you just met.

10. You believe God's heart is for adoption.

11. You realize that welcoming a child into your heart and family is one of the most important legacies you could ever leave on this earth.

12. You know what the word 'Dossier' means, and you can actually pronounce it!

13. You have welcomed a social worker into the most private parts of your life.

14. You shudder when people say your child is so lucky that you adopted them, knowing full well you are the blessed one to have him or her in your life.

-Author unknown

ADVERSITY

Sometimes the things that are worth the most, are the hardest to obtain.

In my heart and spirit, I know that I am on the right path by adopting Tate. I know this without a doubt through prayer. All along this path there have been obstacles to overcome. Now finally when there is a light at the end of the tunnel, these obstacles have become barricades and dead ends. I remember a Sunday school teacher talking about how if we did not have adversity in a righteous wish, then the this it is not the right thing. Also, I remember hearing that the more right something is, the more the darker side (“can you say Satan?” from SNL) will try to cause turmoil stopping what is right from happening. As a teen, you kind of roll your eyes at stuff like this. Now I see the truth in this. Each day as I wander down this path, I step over the bumps and hurdle the barricades. When I hit the dead ends, I stop and change my direction. So with blind faith I am sometimes crawling, walking or dancing down this path working on the adversities that are my struggles right now.

YEARS..

On my Birthday I was soul searching trying to decide about adoption....

On my

Birthday, I was LID and dreaming of being a mother celebrating my next birthday with Tate in arms.....

On my

Birthday, I celebrated this major birthday with empty arms but a heart full of hope for the next birthday of living my dreams....

Today, I celebrate my

Birthday... Hopefully the last one without Tate.

FINISHED!!!

It is DONE!!! I put this together with my own two hands! Yikes... I am not a quilter, but I do sew sometimes. I did have it machine quilted, thanks for paying for this MOM!!! Here is just the pictures..... for you viewing pleasure. I did post a huge posting on the WHY's of the choices as well as close ups of things. If you want to find your contribution, head over there.

This is THERE.

It was hard to get a decent picture of this quilt. Sorry.

I now need to find a 9 x 11 album to put the wished in ..... How come I cannot find a cute album??? I just may have to embellish one.

CELEBRATING....

YEARS LID.......

I mentioned to my mom that March 7th was my 24 months or 2 year LID. Man oh man, did my parents shock me when they showed up on my front porch with these beautiful flowers and the sweetest loving note......

"Lisa-

We've been thinking about you and your LONG wait for Tate! Hope it cheers you up to know our hearts are with you!

Love you, Mom and Dad."

What amazing parents I have... thank you for helping me "celebrate" this major monumental milestone in this long wait.

MOMMA'S GOT A NEW PASSION...

Some women dream of owning a ton of stillettos or hoochie momma shoes and designer handbags. Not me. My dream is to own one of these.

It is an air compressor...... But this air compressor is not the thing that draws passion to my heart. This air compressor's only job is to run the tools that I dream about..... the nail gun and brad gun. I am just so lucky that they both come in my favorite appliance color- RED! After endless years of yearning and countless of projects to do, I am going to do it. I am going to H*me Dep*t and treating myself to this early birthday present. I know that my family does not read my blog, so it would be useless to tell them to give me a gift card from my house of worship- H*me Dep*t. If by chance my siblings read this.... HINT HINT for my birthday gift this year.

BREAKING INTO 2006....

What an amazing feeling.... seeing referrals for 2006! I did a little number crunching and figure out that there are 62 days between January 4 thru and including March 7 2006. Being forever unrealistic and HOPEFUL, I also figured there are 9 weekends days included in this 62 days. SO I guess I am grasping at this, but I want to think I have only 44 days to go before I am holding and kissin' on my sweet dream of Tate. When I first started this adoption process and the spiritual part of my journey, I always felt that September was of significance. Each September would approach and I would have this feeing... AGAIN. It just might be realistic now that this September is the Septemeber that caused my "feelings".

CONGRATS to the Families receiving referrals!!!

WHO AM I KIDDING?

I mean, really who? Not you and especially not ME! Cutting myself totally OFF from all that is blogsville and adoption is like me tell myself and others "I'm giving up Chocolate"! I will try to show some self control and balance in this addiction. Gone will be the days I spend sitting in front of HGTV with laptop, cruizin' blogs.

I'm feeling a renewed motivation because..... the sun is shining, the birds are chirping, the bulbs are piercing thru the dirt and I have got the itch to head out into the fresh spring air. What is it with the Springtime that you feel deep in your soul a primal need to get cleaning and organizing?

I'm working on a semi-major re-do project in the sunroom/Mesa's room right now. If my goal is met, I should be able to post pictures within the next two weeks. Also, I am working on finishing the Kingdom. I just have to find the wood for building the cornice for the window and sew the drapes. Once the cornice is in place, I will be able to hang the wall "stuff". Then the Kingdom should be ready for Tate.

For those who rolled their eyes when they read I was taking a break from blogging.... Pat yourself on the back- You were so right! Hey- I know my weakness' !!!

LOST AND FOUND

Lost myself in the process of adoption. Need to take a break to find the things I LOVE and are missing in ME... the fun, exuberance of me as a good friend, frustrated artist, and travel nut.

It is hard to completely remove myself from the adoption world, but having this world be my center is getting boring. I will be back checking my bloglines and posting occasionally..... when I feel I actually have something to share.......

HOPEFULLY TATE!!!

WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN YOU'RE EXPECTING FROM CHINA

I have read this on several other blogs and wanted to include this on Tate's blog. I have been trying to educate myself on attachment issues as well the challenges of adopting concerning developmental delays both physical and mental.

Friends and Family- Please read this. What to Expect When You're Expecting (from China)
…….A MUST Read for Adopting Parents

Below is a letter from Amy Eldridge, from Love Without Boundaries, addressing the recent adoption disruptions and parental preparedness. If you are reading this, think about posting it on your site - a waiting parent who reads your blog may benefit from it.*****I have been so saddened by this situation. I most definitely wish there was a way to educate ALL adoptive parents about the truths of institutional care, however I have come to realize in my daily work that there are just as many parents who are not online reading everything they can find on adoption as are.There are hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of parents out there who have no idea what life is like for a child in an orphanage, and who head overseas to pick up their perfect child only to be handed a baby who is unresponsive, thin, unable to eat….. and on and on and on.While adopting my son last month, I walked several times over to the White Swan to talk to parents, and over and over I spoke with moms and dads who had no clue whatsoever about the issues their kids were having. I heard so many times things like, "she won't eat solid foods" (oral aversion), "she has no muscle tone" (muscle atrophy from lying in a crib all day), "she won't smile" (pure grieving from being taken from her foster mom). I guess since I live China 24/7, I assume everyone adopting does, too, which is not the case.I talked to at least a dozen parents who didn't even know their child's orphanage name, and while I gently said "you might want to memorize that for your child's sake", at the same time I was trying to process how many parents get all the way to China without ever reading about post-institutional issues. It was sobering to me.Babies in the NSN (non special needs) as well as the SN (special needs) path can have issues with attachment, motor skills, emotional issues and more. I think all of us on the WCC (Waiting Children China) list acknowledge that, while also acknowledging that all children (whether bio or not) can have these same issues. Living in an orphanage of course increases the odds.I think the easy out is to say that agencies have to do more, as well as social workers, but I do think that most of them do try to give information to the parents but often parents don't want to hear it or else think it won't happen to them. Again, I am often surprised to talk to parents leaving soon and to realize they are not prepared. One family was adopting from our foster care program, and when I told them that the child was DEEPLY attached to the mom, the father said, "guess she might cry for an hour or so then?" An hour or so? She had been in foster care for over a year! I tried to explain that this little girl was about ready to lose everything she had ever known, and that they should not expect her to be sunny, happy, and full of personality after an hour. I told them to please remember the 72-hour rule.......that after 72 hours they would probably see her spark, but that she would probably grieve for a long time after that as well.I think for many adoptive parents, they just don't want to read the "bad stuff", and so I do think that ultimately it is the parents who are at fault for not doing more to educate themselves. There certainly are books galore out there about post-institutional issues. I equate this to when I was pregnant with my kids and I would read "What to Expect When Expecting", and I would get to the C-section part and always skip it. Each and every time I would jump to the next chapter as "that wasn't going to happen to me". Well, on my fifth baby, when they were rushing me in for an emergency C-section, I sure was wishing I had read that section earlier! But at that point in the OR, while they were strapping my hands down to the table, it was too late, and so I felt complete panic when I could have been prepared. I think adoption from China is very similar to giving birth...it is much more rosy to only read the happy stories on APC, but I now encourage every family I meet to read the harder ones as well, because if you are the family who is handed a child that is limp and listless and who looks autistic, what you have learned in the past will help you make the right decision for your family during those very emotional first few days.I have been called many times in the last few years by parents in China worried about their children. I agree that having a support network to help you through the initial time is essential. Everyone should go to China with at least one phone number of someone they can call if they are panicked upon meeting their new child. I remember feeling so alone when I was handed my daughter and she was so tiny and limp. Because our foundation often helps with the kids who have been disrupted, I am aware that sometimes there are children who have much more serious issues than originally reported…. and that is such a hard thing for a parent to get to China and then discover their child is truly autistic or has serious mental delays. I think everyone on both the China and international side would agree that it is absolutely wrong of an orphanage to not be honest in their reports, and no one would excuse that, but I also know without a doubt that the majority of kids who are disrupted are just suffering from institutional issues and would catch up quickly in a loving home. It is always a very sad day for the orphanage and everyone involved when a child that they know is absolutely fine, but perhaps thin and grieving, is returned by their new parents for being "delayed".I think far too many people believe their child's life is going to begin the moment they meet them. The truth is, and everyone must realize it….. a child's life is going on RIGHT NOW in China, and all of their experiences are shaping who they are. The vast majority of aunties that I have met in China are such kind and caring people, but it absolutely is not the same as having a mom and dad at your beck and call. I have had new parents call and say "we didn't think living in an orphanage would affect her at all", and those statements truly puzzle me. How could they not contemplate life in an orphanage?Walk through Babies R Us and you will see every gadget known to man to make our children's lives here as ideal as possible. Now Americans have two way video monitors, so that when baby awakens not only can mommy see when to immediately rush in and comfort him, but she can talk to baby so that he doesn't even have one single second where he feels alone. How many new parents would have a newborn and then put that baby in a crib 22 hours a day on their own? How many would only feed their baby, even if they were really crying hard, every 8 hours? Or prop the bottle in her crib and then not watch to see if she ever really ate?Of course no one would do that…... we feed newborns on demand, comfort on demand, love continuously…. and whether people want to recognize it or not, that is NOT the life of an orphan in an institution. .….. even when the aunties are as good as gold. I remember one night when I took some volunteers in for the night shift in an orphanage, when normally just a few aunties are working. One mom looked at me with tears in her eyes as she slowly realized that it was absolutely impossible with just two hands to feed every child, to comfort every child, to soothe every baby who was crying. She said her heart was aching to realize that her own daughter most likely had many, many times where she cried without someone to comfort her..... and she told me that for the first time she finally understood why her daughter had such a deep seated fear of being out of her mom's sight.The aunties are trying their absolute best, but that doesn't equal mother/child care. I remember being in an orphanage in the north this past winter and the aunties were so proud of how they had 6-8 layers of clothes and blankets on every baby to keep them warm. They were swaddled so tight that they couldn't move, but it was freezing in the orphanage and so the aunties wanted the babies to stay as warm as possible. What alternative did they have? It really was freezing there…... I was cold in my wool coat, so the babies couldn't be up and about with just 1-2 layers on, with the ability to move their arms and legs. To stay warm they had to be immobile, and so of course all of those kids have weak muscle tone. But the aunties were truly trying their best, and when a parent is given one of those beautiful children on adoption day, I am sure they will go back to their room with concern and say "she can't sit up by herself…. she can't put weight on her legs". That is absolutely the truth, but she also survived 10 degree weather in a very cold province and she will catch up soon enough with parents to encourage her.To not acknowledge that living in orphanage circumstances can cause lower body weights, low muscle tone, inability to make good eye contact is very sad to me. Can it be overcome? Most definitely! The one thing I have learned over and over again about the kids in China is that they are fighters and survivors. But for some reason, people seem to want to ignore these issues in public forums.Recently, one of our medical babies that we had met several times in person was adopted, and we all knew that this child was a "spitfire". When the family arrived and spent a few days with her, they decided she was too much of a handful for them and they wanted to disrupt. She absolutely was not what they expected. When they called their agency, they were told they had two choices: adopt the child, bring her to the US, and change their expectations of what they were hoping for, or adopt the child, bring her to the US and the agency would have a family waiting at the airport to adopt her locally. Option three of leaving the child in China was never once given. I admire that agency so much, as they were thinking of the child and the child alone. The family followed through with the adoption and handed the little girl to a new family upon her arrival in the US. As horrible and tragic and emotional as it was for everyone involved...I still feel this was the right decision for the agency to make. It was done in the absolute best interest of the child, who had waited a long, long time for a family. I wish more agencies would advocate for the rights of the child, instead of always seeming to give in to the parents, especially in those cases when they know with absolute certainty that nothing is permanently wrong with the child. Recently with another disruption, the agency I spoke with told me that it was "easier" to just get the family a new baby.Sometimes easier does not equal right. The first baby who was rejected has now been labeled "mentally challenged" even though the agency knew the child was really going to be okay.I think all of us, who do realize that delays occur and that babies can usually overcome them, should be these children's advocates by continually trying to educate new parents on what to expect in China. By helping them be better prepared, we just might help stop a disruption in the future. I love Chinese adoption with my whole heart, and it is my life's work…. but I also want every family who goes to get their baby to go with their eyes open and to be as emotionally prepared as possible, for the child's sake.

BIRTHDAY GALS...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to a few of my favorite gals!!!

TESS.... who was two on Sunday Feb 17th

ELIZA who is two today Wednesday Feb 20

Also today....

My all grown-up niece..... CUTE STUFF (her nickname from me) who is at an age that requires secretsy. She is on the far right.

and tomorrow FEB 21st my very own 90 lbs of snuggle lovin'...... MESA who will be three years old!

QUILT OF WISHES

I have gathered squares.

I have send squares.

I have cut squares.

I have sown squares.

AND now.... I will send off the sewn squares for someone else to machine stitch.

Anything that is going on around here Mesa has to be part of. After close inspection of the sewn squares, she claimed ownership by plopping down not getting up until a treat enticed her away from the quilt. This is the back of the quilt.

Not the best picture of the top of the quilt. The center eight are special family squares. Since they were personalize, I felt they should have a special place on the quilt. I think I ended up with over 100+ quilt squares.

I had planned once all is quilted, bound and DONE.... I will explain some of the significance of the fabric and placement.

I am off to the scrapbook store to buy an album for all the wishes. My goal is to get this all done by the end of February. At least my part of the quilt..... I am not sure how long the quilter will take.

PUPPY MILL AWARENESS

Mesa received a thoughful gift from one of her fur friends. Pug.m*mm* sent this sweet collar for Mesa to wear making all who notice, aware of the problem of the sickening way some dogs are used for breed just for making some greedy slim-buckets some ill-earned money. Mesa's early beginnings was not from one of those breeders, but from a family who had both momma and dad who were loved and part of the family. This does not make Mesa unpassionate about this cause though. She wears with pride this collar and is more than willing to show it to other pups and owners at her local haunts like the dog park or walking around the "hood".

Because she is nothing but a fur fest right now, the collar gets buried under the layers of warm soft snuggle fur.
Even with this covering, Mesa's momma makes sure to point it out to others and will chat about this problem. We would like to thank Pug.m*mm* for sending way out West such a thought provoking gift.

As much as I tried to take a decent picture of Mesa sitting and wearing this collar, Mesa was too busy taking her nap and would not cooperate in the photo shoot.

THE SUBJECT IS SUBBING.....

Who would have guessed, not me for sure, that I would LOVE subbing as much as I do. I have now subbed many (5) days, all memorable and all rewarding. Some more interesting and rewarding than others. I have found that I enjoy subbing for the Middle School....... the kids are so funny! I still have not experienced the High School, but I am sure that this experience would give me the same kind of "FUN".....

Oh ye blog world, let me share ONE of the many funny times had.

My second day out on the sub scene found me teaching Industrial Technologies (shop class) at my old ala mater Clayton Middle School. Back in my day we called it a Jr. High. Kind of like an appetizer for the kids into the real world of HIGH school. My day consisted of 8 classes of about 22 to 40 students. Each and every class had to watch the most boring video EVER…. Something on Mars exploration. These sweet angels were to do a worksheet which handed in at the end of the each class. Although each class was “unique”, but the one that was the most fun was my 5th period class. In that class only 22 kids…. 8th graders. Each school has its “cool kids” quickly identified by the clothes, size and hair. In the back of the class sat 5 of these lads. Work sheets handed out and video going. Out of the back someone discretely yells out the “Pen*s” word…. Too funny! I gave the offender the look over my glasses eye, like I’m watching you, look. End of the nasty words…. Seconds later, one lad starts singing and another one joins in. Now I am a sucker for a good serenade, so I place the video on hold and asked the boys to come up at sing. Five boys came up to the front. One introduced the song as a Bob Marley song and all five proceeded singing. I’m like, “What??? Doesn’t Bob Marley deserve some dancing with this singing?” In the front of the room, to the delight of all the other students as well as myself, these five boys sang and danced for a minute or so. We were all in hysterics. The guys sat down, behaved and all had a fun time. At the end of each of the classes, as I asked the angels to hand in the worksheets, panic broke out. Not all were able to gleam the answers from the video. Like a master of the room, I hushed down the up rise and proceeded to tell them “No worries, I’ll give you the answers”.

When it was all said and done, FUN TIMES for me in the world of subbing……

BULLETS

Bullet of Life.... Love it or leave it.

This picture is just because I like it......

• So I did IT....I took a deep breath and faced my fear of substitute teaching. Yap- I did it the other day! In the best way ever to have a first time. I was a rover..... And probably the best way to break in a new substitute. The school district was meeting with each teacher for an hour. I got to experience every single grade. I started my day with the kindergarteners. Oh man, I had a hard time not snuggling on some of these doe eyed sweeties. I ended the day with the 6th graders. Loved the 6th graders, but realize how little I know about "6th grade stuff". Both the kindergarten and 6th grade teachers asked my full name at the end. I have vowed that if I get called from the 6th grade teacher, I will ask for a study guide ahead of time just so I do not look like such a fool. The only unpleasant thing I experienced was the B. O. from the kids. I guess this is something I can get used to and will help with my travels to China in the (near) future.
• Subbing has not been short lived for one day. I actually subbed in the Industrial Technology (Shop) class for a middle school…. That experience deserves it’s very own posting. SOON.
• S'up with the 100 wish quilt you might ask? Well, I am almost done piecing the 108 quilt squares. Just this momentous feat requires it very own posting with picture. However, I am short of a final 6 inch x 56 inch strip of no where to be found fabric to complete before I can send it out to machine quilted. Yikes..... I love the fabric and if I cannot find another small piece, I just might be unpicking the final layer and finding something else that would look totally amazing. I will just rack it up to bad math skills.
• I just joined in on the blog lines reading wagon…. I am having mixed feelings about doing this. Somehow it seems so impersonal. I mean, it is convenient to read what everyone is up to, but I find that when I normally would comment, well, it’s just not happening. I find that instead of heading to blog lines, I will go to my blog and click on my blog list. If you do not see a comment from me, please know I am reading and just busy?!
• As expected, I thought I would be celebration this Halloween, Christmas, Chinese New Year with Tate. When I realized that this was happening, I had vowed to myself to MAKE each of these holidays amazing anyway. So far I have been successful with this goal. CNY has been for me a three weekend celebration. It amazes me the number of Chinese (or Asian) influences we have in this city I live in. My little mind has been racing to next year and all the ways I will add these celebrations into my life with Tate.

Bullets of life.... For me, I LOVE IT!!!

CELEBRATE...

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR YEAR of the RAT!!!!

Another LID closer to Tate.....

Months towards the Wait for Tate

FREEZING BABIES

RQ has posted this link to Half the Sky. It is information concerning the winter storms and the affects of these storms on the orphanages. I cannot stop thinking that one of these babies huddled in the cold might be Tate. I pray that she and all these sweet children get the warmth, water and food that is needed. When I finally hold my gal in my arms and gaze at her sweet face, I will wonder what she has had to endure in her short life. I will never know the circumstances she is experiencing right now as I am waiting for Tate.

I encourage, if you are able, to donate funds to this organization. If you are not able to send funds, at least send up your prayers, good vibes or thoughts that there will be comfort.

LADY BUG SIGHTING...

And they are chocolatey delicious!!!

I just got done posting my "blues post" about freaking out over the subbing when the mail arrived. I grabbed the mail, saw a package but was just starting to read about the rumors of referrals for LID thru Decemeber 27 2005. Now mind you... it is more LID referred than I had expected so my heart was feeling JOY. I grabbed the package and wondered who could have sent me something from Virginia Beach. As I opened the package, out toppled these cute litte ladybugs!!! Ms Ladybug sender.... what amazingly delic European chocolate you have sent me!!! They could not have arrived on a better day!!!

QUILT OF MEMORIES

Behold my projects box. A few months ago I was overwhelmed with all the things that I needed to do..... unfinished (2) scarves, a strawberry hat, to numerous to mention crafty project that just needed the finishing touches on. To get a grasp on all this, I labeled a box and started filling it with such projects. If the project did not fit in the box, it went on a slip of paper as the project.... ie: "wainscot Tate's room". Sometimes I reached into the box with purpose like finish scarf for mom's birthday, and other times I just randomly grabbed out. This time with purpose I reached into the box for my 100 wish quilt. As I was making sense to all these mish mash of squares, colors, themes.... I started to think of all the people who contributed to this quilt. I read wishes. I looked at the fabric. Some of the contributors are well known to me, others just passing names, but all so very cherished by me. As a community we all banded together to gather and share quilt squares and wishes for our already loved and yet unknown children. As a community we wait. Some of these wishes and squares represent to me those who have already been fulfilled as families, holding tight to their children. Some represent those who are still waiting, with each one on their own time frame to realize the dream of becoming parents. As I looked at each and every wish and square, I feel the warmth from each and every one of you. I am sure one day when Tate is older, she too will feel this love and warmth of a community that believed in her and her existence. A hope of something for her that is more than China was offering her. A dream for me that was more than my life was offering me as a momma.

HOPE. DREAM. LIVE.

MURPHY'S LAW

With much anticipation I went to bed last night with the alarmed set early to get up and get ready for my new adventure! I did not need the alarm clock to wake me. At 4 am my eyes popped wide open and off I ran into the bathroom with the beginning of the stomach flu. I even took a shower thinking that this upset stomach was the anticipation. No such luck. Sadly, I had to call in sick for my first day of subbing. Now it is twelve hours later and I am feeling much better. I think I am thinner too.

TUESDAY NOT A GO GO

UPDATE.......

I just got a call from the sub-finder.... When I saw who was calling, I vowed to myself that I was going to take the assignment NO MATTER what the assignment was. Luck dealt Lisa a good hand!!! I get to teach the pull out of class computer lab for grades 1-6!!! Love it especially since I really know NOTHING about computers! Just getting my feet wet and getting a grasp on what to expect.... Next time I will do a real class.

I was ready for action. Clothes cleaned and pressed. All organized to spend the day in the presence of sweet face little angels. With all my preparation, both mentally and physically, the school district did not need me for Tuesday. Not knowing my plans, the school district decided to tack one more day onto the long Martin Luther King weekend. All Elementary and Middle schools were off. I found my only hope was the High Schools, which were still in session. Sadly with only three high school to chose between, NO ONE needed the day off. Wednesday is now in the "plan". I am hoping for a High School assignment- I know, this choice is amazing to me also. I guess I will have to get "down with the lingo"- now where is my Brittney Spear's type outfits?

CHANGES IN THE WIND

I have been real cautious about posting anything about this subject because of not wanting the blog trolls out there causing anymore stress than I have on this subject. So here goes....

Since June 2007 I have only been working part time at the airlines. I used to work a full-time job at a hospital plus this very part time job at an airlines. Back in June 2007, a quick decision was made to quit the full time hospital job, allowing me to find a job that was more do-able as a single momma. Teaching was suggested to me, and with this idea, I went forward at a turtle's pace. This rash quick decision to move on coupled with and this slow turtle pace is not the way to approach jobs that have DEADLINES for teaching a mere 6 weeks away. So hence, I did not start teaching in the autumn as expected. All good intentions were made by me in my mind that I was going to find another job, a job to get me thru until I could start teaching. What is facing me today is the month of January 2008. Months into this year of waiting to teach. I have been able to financially squeak by with working more hours at the airlines. I have been able to get a lot of my projects done in my box of projects. I have spent quality time with Mesa at the dog park... In fact, I have been known recently to chat about people I met at the dog park like they are my best friends. But time is moving on. Last week in a ditch to really see if I would like this teaching gig, I submitted my paperwork to be a sub-teacher. What is so scary about kids in a class room? Really... only 28 young eager faces with rosy cheeks, disheveled hair, runny noses looking up at me. What could be so scary? But it is! This week I made a small step forward and signed into the system that calls me with assignments.... They are calling me, and I in turn am declining this scary situation. Like anything in life, I need to close my eyes, hold my breath and jump right on it. It is too late for me this week..... Monday is a holiday. So this Tuesday my friends, TUESDAY is the day I will accept the call and head on out to suffer my first day as a teacher. I will close my eyes, take a deep breath and plunge into the deep end hoping to surface alive at the end of a school day..... I guess I will be guzzling the Airborne daily!



A report to follow after this torture happens..... Sorry no pictures of this carnage.

Something Cool

I found this link on another blog that I thought was way cool.... it is the link for Google translation. I thought I would give it a try!!!

这么快，我即将向你提供。为了爱你，爱护你，照顾你，永远。坑的，有我的甜美的婴儿。 爱momma

"So soon momma will be traveling for you. To love you, cherish you and take care of you forever. Hang in there my sweet baby.
Love Momma"


I sure hope it says what it is suppose to instead of something that would be strange or insulting.

CHOICE IS GOOD

I know that there is frenzy going on in the China adoption community about things that are beyond our control. As of recent, it is the fact that the CC** has decided to change their website to not include the information of dates. At first I was numb not knowing how I felt about all of this. Does this lack of information change anything for me as I wait for Tate? NO. Can I do anything about this wait for Tate? NO. I can control how I let this information affect me in my life. I have a choice, and having a choice is good. I choose NOT to feed into this uncertainty and frenzy. I choose to continue in my path of preparing for motherhood. I choose to continue to enjoy my life to revel in the joys of each day. I know that for some, feeling the connection to what is happening at the CC** is a way of feeling attached to their future children. That is their choice and all choices are good. I choose to support whatever means you need to feel that connection. I will be there for you with understanding and comments. As for me, I choose to stay on track with Tate in my horizon.....

Catch-Up COUNTING

Just getting a little behind..... I wish my behind was getting little. Sheeh. I forgot to document the momentous occasion of turning 21 months LID last month, and just now realize today is ...

Months of LID!!!

With this blog housekeeping task out of the way, let's talk about the real stuff I am wanting to talk about......

Dreams really do come true. During this whole wait time, I have been following along the blogs of other single mommas. I feel that connection, I "get" them, I live vicariously through their referrals and family moments. I love love love seeing a single momma realizing her dream of becoming momma. As this wait has lengthened along (see above) at 22 months for me, sometimes a hot single momma, like myself, starts loosing HOPE that this will happen. Today, I clicked on to Jenny in hopes of seeing Abby in the arms of her momma. My heart. My heart, people started pounding, aching and then BURST!!! Tears of joy for Jenny and Abby, tears of joy for me that this too will happen to me. It means so much to see this reunion for those of us who wait. Really, it means whether I have a good adoption day or not. So, one more month of disappointment I can manage in hopes that next month will produce more days of making families. One more month closer.

HOOKED

I find myself going through cycles when it comes to my TV watching. I always watch The Amazing Race and Grey's Anatomy. I will turn on HGTV and Food Network but randomly watch. The other night, I just happened on America's Top Model. Shockingly, this was new programing to me and sat open mouth for the full hour. This segment was the segment that they eliminated down to 13 models. But it really was not the first show, but a marathon of past competitions. After sitting until 1 am, I finally hit the record on the VCR (sorry no TiVo or DVR here) and went to bed. Yesterday my day did not afford me the time to continue watching the taped stuff, but after 10pm I hit the play button and stayed up until 2am- watch. After doing the Mesa entertainment thing at the dog park, I finally got to finish 3 more hours to see the outcome. This whole modeling world is so foreign to me, yet so fascinating. As each model was instructed, I found myself smiling, or gazing or tipping my head as instructed. I have now learned how to smile thru my eyes not using my mouth, how to pose differently for a woman's, man's or kids magazine as well as other fine model moves. I am now sitting here with my back straight, my head held high, with my shoulders back- just like Tyra Banks would appreciate.