FIRST OF SERIES

This is a posting that is the beginning of the story of my journey to adopt TATE. I will post these in installments in the order which they occured last year. I have not shared this with too many out there in BLOGGER internet land. And I am some what worried that I just might expose too much of my personal side to who knows may be reading this. However, I am writing this as a way for me to figure out and remind me why I am choosing to adopt at my age and singleness.


DOUBT
I am starting to DOUBT my decision to adopt. I have been struggling with this thought during the past few weeks. Today in the mail I received a quilt square and wish that made me stop and remember why…. It was from Drea from Edmonton, Alberta, Canada.

“Your life began across the sea but fate and destiny knew what was meant to be. A wish was made for you to be loved and that voice was heard from GOD above.”

One year ago this month, I started the serious search for a single slot for my adoption from China. If you are single then you know about the struggle just getting the go ahead to start your paper chase. I am not sure if those married couples really know now lucky they are being able to decide to adopt and calling ANY agency to start the process. Singles have to contact TONS of agencies asking if they have a single slot. Most agencies do not have immediate openings for singles. The next step is to ask if they are accepting application accompanied by the UNREFUNDABLE deposit of money in the hopes that there will be openings within the next few months or year. Some agencies I contacted would not even accept applications and some said that they could help me in early 2007….. TWO THOUSAND FRICKIN’ SEVEN!!!!! Just to start the paper chase. This is the time that CCAA decided to place age restrictions on adoption and I was looking at turning 50 in MARCH of 2007….. I knew that I really did not have too much time to be waiting around.

I have always had a certain spiritualness within me…. I love and appreciate NATURE and can sense God in the world. I am touched by other’s stories of faith and blessings but somehow these blessing just eluded me…. Or so I thought. I felt that God had forgotten me in my life….the blessing of the only thing I really wanted and that was a family of my own…. Mainly CHILDREN. I had been in a long term relationship and somehow hoped that things would work out with this guy….. but LACK OF COMMITMENT . And I found myself alone and in my mid-late forties and looking at a life where I would love and share and enjoy my nieces and nephews but not have children of my own. Kind of sad and something that I really didn’t look forward to… but seemed to be my lot in life…..

Others around me were adopting children from China…. But in my mind I would think I should do this but it was a fleeting thought. Until one day I felt a baby in my life. I felt her spirit and I knew that I needed to push forward to go get this baby…. that was meant to be with me…. Prayer confirmed my need to adopt and from CHINA. So the search started…..