Tuesday, May 30, 2006


Life in the Fast Lane????

As I was heading between my two jobs hospital (6a-6:30p) and at the airlines (7p-11p) I got a SPEEDING ticket!!!! Now in the past I used to be able to smile and flirt my way from a ticket to a warning.... As this YOUNG officer who pulled me over and came to the window, I plastered on my BEST SMILE and cocked my head to one side and said "Oh, I guess I was in a hurry to get to work"..... I guess????? I was clocked at 57 in a ridiculous low35 mph zone..... He called me Maaaaam.... I guess he didn't go for my flirting and I ended up with a ticket 11 miles over the posted speed limit!!!! GONE ARE THOSE DAYS.......sadly!!!!

Monday, May 29, 2006


Happy Memorial Day to all..... This holiday has not been a tradition to our family. I wonder if it is an American Tradition and has not been a part of the Norwegian traditions. So we just do not do this..... Visiting the graves of all of loved ones who have passed. It is not like we don't think or love our deceased, but just has not been a tradition to visit the graves on this weekend. Each year my parents will go sometime during this week and clean and plant flowers on their parents and my older brothers graves. This brings me to my thoughts....

I have an older brother.... Rolf*. Sadly 17.5 years ago he decided that he no longer wanted to live. There is not a day that does not go by that I do not think of him. I have things I miss about him, stuff I want to tell him, and share with him... He is the one who I feel is watching over my Tate as I wait for her. This feeling has great comfort for me because I feel strongly that there is an afterlife and even though Rolf decided to end his own life, he is loved and excepted into Heaven. I drive past the cemetary often but do not seem to go into and find his grave. My parents are out of town this year in Florida visiting my sister. This year I was thinking that I should be the one to take care of his grave. Something I dreaded but knew I need to do. Yesterday my younger Brother, John*, called and asked if I wanted to join his family in visiting the graveside. I am so touched by John's thoughts but I am so emotional about the whole thought of being in a cemetary with all sorts of famlies each one remembering and loving their deceased. I know that this will be a cry- fest since as I write and contemplate this I am teary..... I know that we will sit around and remember him and talk about him.....

I am not sure if I am up to this.... Nor do I understand why we pick one day a year to remember our deceased loved ones. Everyday is a day I remember and love Rolf.

P.S. *Rolf is the father of the three beautiful grown nieces.
John is the father of Twinkle Toes and Sparkle and well as two strapping Teen boys.

Friday, May 26, 2006

Something Special For Mom !!!!

Who could this Special Mom person be???? It is ME....

ME. ME. ME......MOM!!!

Fed Ex delivered a package today.... From my January Secret Pal.... Inside the package was this silver pendant. The characters mean "Thinking of You". My S.P. sent the sweetest note saying "I know you are thinking of Tate this year, and although you can't be with her, you are holding her close in your heart".... How true is that???? LOVE IT!!!!

And even more treasures!!!!
When I am not wearing this "Thinking of You" necklace, I can place it in this Cloisonne Dragon Jewel Box for safe keeping.... Mine is the lime green on top ....A treasure to remind me of the TREASURE I will be getting when I hold Tate against my heart next Mother's Day!!!!
Thank You January Secret Pal!!!! You are a treasure!!!
(pictures are not done by me because digital camera still in Fiji with my niece)


On my mind….This is what woke me up at 3 am this morning…..

Freak out!!!
This is my reaction to the most recent and the most affecting rumor to me on the Chinese Adoption Battle. I am not so affected (at this moment) with the slow downs in referrals…. It is this WEIGHTY issue that I am totally freaking out about!!!!

Is the rumor you might ask???? I think is really is not a rumor but the truth!!! The one who was rejected by CCAA because of her WEIGHT actually posted about it on her July DTC group…… But how much weight it too much??? Is it 20lbs…50lbs….100lbs…?????? Were there other health issues of concern??? Why all of a sudden is CCAA being selective as to who gets their abandoned females???? It is almost like the selection process when Hitler selected who was going to live and who was going into the gas chambers….

I know of families who have their daughters home with MAJOR health issues…..life threatening HEALTH issues…. Not just some extra weight they are carrying along…..

So My Plan…
I'm heading off to Weight Watchers with my pal Tiffany. Plan on hearing from me on the BLOGS…. Weigh In Wednesday (Hi Lisa) and my DTC group Diet to China!!! Plan on less Blog postings because I am walking and hiking and biking my way to Tate!!! Plan on the 90 lbs of snuggle lovin’ fun to be less snuggle loving’ fun and become 80 lbs lean muscle….. As for my delicious Referral baking….. Plan on maybe some healthy alternatives….. CRAP!!!!

I refuse to let my weigh be the deciding factor whether I will make a good loving home to my Tate!!!!

Wednesday, May 24, 2006



Sparkle is what I call this brown eyed beauty.... (she is Twinkle-Toes big sister)
1- Amazing dancer both in Jazz and Ballet... loves to perform for me.... I love watching her....
2- Is such a good sister to her two big brothers and younger sister.
3- Will play with my hair... for FREE!!!!
5- Great athelete and is outstanding in every sport she has tried... Soccer, tennis, swim team, snow skiing.
6- Great story writer and artist.
7- Is beautiful in the inside and not just on the outside.
8- Is a loyal and true friend.
9- Is so excited for me to get Tate and has promised me she will come take care of Tate everyday she has off of school (she lives 40 miles away.....Hmmmmmmmmm)
10-LOVES her family (including me Auntie Wildchild)
11-Was the best thing that has happen to me eleven years ago!!!


oops... forgot the FLOUR 2 cups


Tuesday, May 23, 2006



Brought to you by the lack of May referrals.... The CCAA might not be giving us our kiddos at a timely fashion, but this does not mean that they have cut the Red thread that connects us all to our BABIES!!!!

As some of you know.... I bake when I get stressed or happy or sad or .... Well I guess I just BAKE anytime....


1 1/4 cup butter
2 1/2 cup sugar
6 eggs
1 TB vanilla

2 cups FLOUR
10 TB cocoa
1 1/2 tsp salt

Mix together ingredients. Spray a jelly roll pan with Pam. Bake at 350 degree for 20 minutes.

Mint Topping (FROSTING)

5 cups powdered sugar
1 cup softened butter
2 tsp mint extract
3 TB of water
Red or green food coloring

Mix together with a mixer and spread on cooled brownies

Chocolate Glaze

1 12 oz pkg semi sweet chocolate chips
3/4 cup butter

Melt in microwave or top of double boiler until smooth. Spread over the frosting. Refrigerate at leas 1 hour before serving. Brownies are great serviced chilled.

This glaze is great on a bundt cake where you just want a little extra delicious glaze.

Sunday, May 21, 2006


I think I am obsessed with Asian people…. Especially woman!!! I am much more aware of these women and will watch and study them intently. I am sure it just creeps some of them out if they notice me watching and observing them. When I talk to one, I will study their faces and look deep within their eyes. If I sense an accent, this is what will give me an “IN” to ask questions ….. I will wonder if the one child policy might have directly affected them and the possibility that they might have had no choice but to abandon a daughter. I look deep into the wrinkled faces of the elderly trying to read about the life that must have been experienced. I search these wrinkles trying to gleam some knowledge of the beauty of the Chinese people and culture. This is the knowledge that cannot be read about or taught from a book. This is knowledge that I would like to instill in my daughter as she is seeking her own identity and her place on this planet. Would I be this obsessed if my child was being adopted from Russia of Haiti??? I will never know the answer to this because I know without a doubt that my daughter will be from China.

I cannot keep my eyes off of seeing ASIAN children….. Especially the GIRLS!!!! I was watching the beginning of the DVD Big Bird in China and the little dancing ducky girls just did me in!!! For those who have seen this flick know exactly what I am talking about. I loved these little ducklings so much that I stopped the rented DVD and went right out and bought one for my very own!!!! Want pure torture??? Rent the flick and think of your future daughter as one of those dancing darling ducklings….. I can't stop thinking….


Friday, May 19, 2006


As I have mentioned before, I had quite a Rollercoaster of emotion over the Mother’s Day weekend. I will not recap the previous but just start from the next point of my story. I do need to give a little history to the significance of this part of the story. I was raised in a religious home where we honored the Sabbath Day by keeping it Holy. This was a day of rest and a time with friends and family. We never did any housework, laundry, or yard work on Sundays….. Remember this when I tell you this part of my weekend.

Working TONS….

This fact has already been established. I worked for 6am to 6pm on Saturday and came home to a filthy house and a needy MESA (dog). All of a sudden I got so SAD…. It seems all I do is work, take care of Mesa and attempt to get on top of too many projects and a filthy house. I am the Queen of FUN, and fun was not part of my life. Metaphorically speaking, I feel like I have a huge pile of dirt and each day I seem to take a cup out but add 1/2 cup back in. I went to bed SAD and woke up at 5am to get ready for work on Mother’s Day SAD….. Depressed???? No, just SAD. I called my Mom and wished her a Happy Mother’s Day and mentioned how sad I was and my metaphoric vision of the pile of dirt. I had to get off the phone and told her I would call her right back. Between the two phone calls, a brilliant idea hit this (fake) blond head and I decided that I was going to hire my cousin, who has a cleaning business. Ahhhhhhh…. An answer to my troubles. I shared this with my Mom, which she shoots this idea down almost immediately and tells me to "NOT CALL MY COUSIN ON SUNDAY but to wait". I am totally irritated at her for dictating to me when I should call my cousin to take care of my troubles.....


After work, as I am approaching the house, something looks different to me but I cannot put my finger on it. In I walk to a CLEAN house!!!!! I guess after the first call to my Mom, she and my Dad decided to skip church and go clean my house. My Dad cut the lawn, and turned the soil, getting it ready for planting. As well vacuumed the whole house. Mom…. She deep cleaned my bedroom (mattress and all) and bathroom. She washed the floors in the kitchen and Mesa’s room. In the fridge was left-over Chinese food and NO ONE left behind so I could heat up the food, put my feet up and watch Grey’s Anatomy!!!! They did this all on the SABBATH…. They had decided that this act of charity to their SAD daughter out weight keeping the Sabbath Day Holy.


Now this saga of the weekend is done…. I have such JOY in my heart from the LOVE shown by me!!!!! Someone hand me some tissues, please. Oh, did I mention that my Dad is 76 and my Mom is 71????

Rock on Senior Citizens!!!

Thursday, May 18, 2006


I’ve had a few things on my mind but due to my crazy, never-a-day off work schedule, I really did not have time to formulate it in my head and write it to paper. I am not how sure if I have formulated it in my head very well, but I will put it in writing anyway…

This week of Mother’s Day was one emotional roller coaster. I really can’t give the lack of my daughter here with me this Mother’s Day as the reason, because it was not. I knew that this year I would still be in the waiting game part of this Wonderful World of International Adoption. I did not expect to be considered a MOTHER by people who do not belong to this group we know as the BLOGGER waiting families. My main reason for all this emotion is I am wiped out physically, emotionally, and my house and yard is a disaster. I am not saying this to have ya’ll feel sorry for me but to understand my joy of the happenings of this weekend.

Understanding my Dad....

I have not talked about this situation with my Dad on this site, but in real life I have mentioned it. First my parents are really pretty wonderful…. But the reality of it is I have had the normal growing pain issues with them like everyone else. My Dad can be hair pulling FRUSTRATING!!!! My Mom can drive me beyond insane irritation….. If my siblings actually read my blog, they can attest to this….

My Dad’s reaction to my adopting was very hurtful. Normally if he is presented with a new thought, he goes into BRAIN CRAMP mode and his initial reaction is negative. I have learned that after a few days of brain cramp, he usually figures it out and relaxes about the new idea. This time the new idea of me adopting with me being single and at a ripe age of 48 was beyond something he could even deal with. He is not a Father Knows Best kind of dad with all the close introspective conversation and advice. He is the FUN dad. So every time the adoption was brought up in conversation, he would purse his lips and not speak a word about it to the point of causing me sorrow. He had plenty of opinion of concern he share with my Mom, but to me he said literally NOTHING. After quite a period of time, he finally has come around. Now he tells family and friends as well as random people in the Mall who just happen to be Asian.

To the point now….

Last Friday I was beat. I came home from working and just wanted to go on a little nature hike with Mesa. As I am pulling up to my house my cell rings and it is my Dad who insists that he has to bring me left over Costco roasted chicken for dinner. My parents live 30 miles away and so dropping off this chicken is not a quick drop off. I could not talk him out of coming and with great frustration I put my hike on hold and waited for him. What can be better than leftover Roasted Chicken???? Instead he enters the house with Red Roses and a greeting of “HAPPY MOTHER’S day to a PRE MOTHER”!!! What an amazing turn around from 6 months earlier!!!! I will say that he will be Tate’s biggest fan to the point of frustration with his insistent drop ins but it will be a welcome frustration as I know that Tate will love her Gramps!!!!

There is more to this weekend of JOY…. I need to go book some reservations and need to head out right now to the airport …. So tomorrow I will continue with my saga…..

Monday, May 15, 2006

RIGHT ON !!???

Your Personality Profile
You are pure, moral, and adaptable.You tend to blend into your surroundings.Shy on the outside, you're outspoken to your friends.
You believe that you live a virtuous life...And you tend to judge others with a harsh eye.As a result, people tend to crave your approval.
The World's Shortest Personality Test
I am not too sure if I should be too proud of this.... but it is kind of right on!!!! I wish I were more of a free spirit and anything goes kind of gal.... People won't believe that I am SHY.... Well, you be the judge when you meet me in CHINA!!!


I wish it were me.... Off to Fiji... but it is my most BEAUTIFUL, smart, amazing niece, Crystal who is off to Fiji on her birthday MAY 17!!!! She is heading to Fiji to pick up her Mom who has been living in Fiji for the past year and one half..... Why am I mentioning this????

She is amazing and she is smart and she is BEAUTIFUL both physically and spiritually!!! She is the first of nine (soon to be ten with Tate) grandchildren in our family.... The first and the most impatiently waited for grandchild by me. The Oldest who has lived her life as an example to the other kiddos following in her path!!! Crystal is a horticulturist and works at a Botanical garden. She is an adult and has her own busy life... We no longer have sleep-overs and girl time.... Instead we are part of an organic community garden where we have a plot and grow tomatoes and vegetables!!!! It is really great fun spending time with her since we both love to garden and cook.....

I have a pet name for all of my nieces and nephews and Crystal's is BEAUTIFUL....She calls me Gorgeous....(too funny).... She is in the pink with her two sisters.... When I refer to all three of them at the same time, they are the Three Butt Sisters ... Bella, Bertha and Besheba Butt. AKA Mini-Mouse (Janel) and Cute Stuff (Lori).....

Safe trip to Fiji, Crystal, and a
Very Happy Birthday!!!!!
where ever you are over the Pacific Ocean on your special day!!!!
I love you!!!!

Also off to Fiji is my new (Christmas) kick butt digital camera..... I will not be posting any of my out of focus pictures for your enjoyment until she gets back..... Sorry NO Secret Pals and Quilt Square pics....

Saturday, May 13, 2006



THE ALREADY........... MOMS,

Friday, May 12, 2006


Why is it guys, making Airplane reservations, think that I want to meet them???? Just because they are calling a Toll-free number does not mean that I, AS A WOMAN, am answering the phone for their PLEASURE!!!! I've been told I have a great sexy phone voice.... I really do flirt to get bookings, but please.... Drop everything and fly across the country just to meet you???? I think NOT!!! Now if you really want to gain my attention, BOOK A FIRST CLASS TICKET and let me transfer you to our HOTEL desk!!!! Then you just might make my day.... Which in turn will make me think "what a great guy, too bad he lives on the other side of the planet".....Well at least for a second..... until another amazing guy will call and try once again to gain my flirtatous sexy phone voice attention and tempt me to fly off to meet them.....

Thursday, May 11, 2006


I have been reflecting upon what I will be as a mother.... Some of the things I hope to give and teach my child and the ways that I can love her and make her feel that love. Since I have been reflecting, I remember things my mother did for me.... the simple things have been coming into my memories as if a flood gate had been opened.

The other day as I was snuggling into bed, wiggling back and forth to make sure the covers were tucked in, I remember how my mom would tuck us in bed. She would literally pull the covers under our chins and tuck the covers in each side. As I got into my teenage years she still did it. I shared a room with my younger sister who would go to bed before me. Sometimes I would be up late studying with just the desk lamp on while my sister slept.... She would come knocking softly and would tell me lights out.... Shortly after while I was faking sleep, she would wander in to check on my sister and plant a kiss on my forehead and tuck me in.... she thought I was asleep but I lay awake feeling so secure and loved.

I remember her rocking me and singing a hauntingly beautiful lullaby while she softly stroked my closed eyelids and laid soft kisses on them.... I was a horrible sleeper and I think it was her effort to get me to keep my eyes closed and drift off to sleep. I still remember those warm kisses on my eyelids and the soft strokes of a mother's fingers.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006


I know I shouldn’t be doing this…. Sharing food with Mesa. I just can’t help myself when I am eating something and she looks at me with those soft brown HUNGRY eyes saying she is just needing a taste. Today was no exception except for one thing. I was eating a homemade black bean and cheese burrito with Taco Bell FIRE sauce in it. I bit off a little piece and gave it to her….. Immediately after eating it she started to gag and cough. What to do???? I never thought that she would find this too spicy!!! Outside she ran and started eating grass. I grabbed a squirt bottle of water and kept squirting it into her mouth and gave her a piece of bread….. NO HELP what-so-ever!!!! Still coughing and gagging. After the ordeal ended, she came into the house with big tears streaming down from her both of eyes…

I guess a Dog should not eat Spicy Mexican food !!!!!!

Monday, May 08, 2006


As I was adding my most recent Quilt swatch and wish, I realized that I have wishes from outside the US of A.... I have several from Canada, one from Norway, one from Australia, and one from Japan..... I think that it is so cool to be receiving wishes from all over the world (including USA).... if any one out there (lurkers or known readers) would like to contribute to Tate's 100 wish quilt I would be beyond happy collecting from ya'll !!!! Just email me at the link and I will give you my address. If you too are collecting, I will happily send out a TATE-R-BUG wish to you!!!!




April SHOWERS bring Mei Flowers was the theme and she gave me SPRING Shower gifts!!!! I love the hooded duckie head towel with all the baby washclothes and water temperature duckie thingy.... I can just see Tate all clean and sweet smelling wrapped in her towel ready to get in PJ's and into bed....

Thanks January Secret Pal....

Sunday, May 07, 2006


At work there is a communication board. I have looked at this board for years now... Nothing has changed just different names but never my name..... On the upper right hand corner of this grease board there are names with months... Some are written in black (unknown) red (girl) and blue (boy). Since I started my adoption process back in July 2005 I have been asked to place my name on that board in RED.... I hesitated to do this until today.... With a LID of March 7..... Hmmmmmmmmm, well.... Ummmmmmm I put February as the expecting date ..... I am starting to feel a little uncomfortable about this.... On one hand I could be jinxing all of us Feb/March LIDers. You know that feeling where you say something and then have to quickly "knock on wood"!!!!??? But then I could be just surprising myself and everyone with thinking I will hear about Tate in February but be pleasantly surprised in November..... I must make a decision to quickly erase this or just leave my name there on the baby board for all to see.....

My heart is beating a mile a minute...... Just the sight of my name on this baby board bring tears to my eyes..... A simple name in RED can mean so much!!!!!
the other day my mom was talking about Tate and how much fun it will be to finally see her and get to know her..... With all other births we kind of know what the new member of the family will look like.... Who's eyes? Nose? Mouth? Amount of hair??? All family characteristics in some shape or form..... But with Tate it will be the unknown.... My Mom likened it to opening a present and not knowing the treasure that is found within.... I whole heartly agree with her!!!!

Saturday, May 06, 2006


I am sitting at work with a blank stare looking at nothing. Something around my left wrist catches my eye.... hanging from my red thread bracelet is a sterling charm that reads M O M.... Just a reminder, yet takes my breath away..... I am going to be somebody's mom!!!!

ME. A. MOM !!!!!!

Friday, May 05, 2006


Last Summer I started the painting of my kitchen.... long story SHORT.... It is done and I am loving it. The previous paint on the wall were a real chalky feeling white that just was not a great choice for a kitchen..... I did not pick the previous paint... The doorway on the right is Mesa's room also known as the sunroom.... It needs to be painted. So far Mesa cannot decide on the color she wants.... If she would just speak up and let me know the color I will gladly paint the room....

Clean curtains, fresh paint, sunny kitchen.... Thank you Ralph Lauren Paint!!!!



I'm about ready to start working on the furniture for the NURSERY!!!! This little tidbit of a buffet is not for the nursery but for the dining room..... I started working on it last AUTUMN just in time for me to break my elbows where EVERTHING project-wise came to a stand still....

Last night the buffet was moved into the dining room..... I had planned on sanding the edges of the buffet and do a wipe on wipe off stain over the sanded area just to give it a little rough and tumble.... Now I am not so sure if I will do it.....

Oh.... top drawer is where I found my rubber lady bug sighting


This girl really loves her chocolate fondue!!!!

Thursday, May 04, 2006

IT'S HERE..........

Something about the number 7 is magical for me.... It is in the day I was born, the year I was born, the year I graduated from high school, and now a very important date... The day that I get to start the official countdown for getting my Tate!!!!

Wednesday, May 03, 2006



I have been noticing lately on people's word verification area that this little friend is there to help me with the letters that I cannot decipher!!! I have talked about being word verification CHALLANGED.... I have left such amazingly witty and some pronound words on other blogs only to be stopped by my inability to get the word right..... Next time I am having a hard time, I will click on this little friend of mine and a voice will tell me the letters to type!!!!!

Oh thank you all you considerate blogger friends!!!!

Tuesday, May 02, 2006


People would consider me a neat freak…. Boy, have I got them fooled!!! If you were lucky enough to come to my house you would see just how wrong they really are. I must have things neat and organized at work to be able to function in my chaotic primary job….. But a home, THAT is a whole different story. Now I am not proud of my clutter and I have ideals of organization, but let’s face it, is it really THAT important??? Really now….. Hmmmmmm clean and organize or sleep or play or chat with a friend or well you get the idea. But at times I really do try. I am trying to clear out my soon to be nursery and get what has cluttered and been abandoned in this room into an orderly fashion. One of my secrets of a deception of cleanliness is I will take a laundry basket and sweep the house of all clutter into this basket. I then abandon this basket in a closet….. Bills, scrapes of paper with VERY important information I needed back in 2000…. And my lists!!!! I am a list maker. I have list from 6 years ago with a few things crossed out and then I have more lists with the old list of stuff but with added NEW stuff…. A little more crossed out. I have lists of lists!!!! All this I am confronting while organizing and trashing out Tate’s Kingdom. I have come to terms with my lists and lists about lists that now I am LISTLESS and I will have to take a nap just to regain my strength.

Monday, May 01, 2006


I avoid Walmart as much as I can…. But sometimes it is just a necessity!!!! Today was one of those times. One of the things I had to do at Wally's World was return something. The line was humongously long which gave me time to do one of my favorite things….PEOPLE WATCH. As I watched people, a strange thing started happening. I started to daydream and ponder life as a mother and with an Asian child. During my wait there was a string of people going in and out of my view. I saw a life time of Tate pass before me….. Now this scene did not come perfectly in order but I am placing it in order to better give you the glimpse of Tate. I saw a young Asian mother with a 10 month old baby girl all dressed in pink with a mass of hair as her crown. Skipping along side of her daddy, a pony tailed 8 year old Asian girl. In front of me in line, I saw a pimpled face adolescent girl who happened to also be Asian. These are all the ages and stages I will get to experience with my girl. And God be willing, I will be able to see her meet and marry a good man who will love her and cherish her long after I am gone. As I was leaving Wally’s World, I passed an elderly Asian woman, and as we passed we made eye contact and she smiled the most loving and cherished smile and I knew in my heart the glimpses I saw of Tate and the future I will not be part of.... she will be blessed with health and love.