EMOTIONS

Got a lot of loc-e-motions.... Unsure if I should term it as just being tired, watching friends get referrals, traveling for babies or what??? EMOTIONS... Sometimes I just want to SIT on the couch and stare out into space. ZONE out. Eat chocolate. DO NOTHING!!!

I wonder if I have just kept my emotions intact under my skin all these years. I just go with the flow, bouncing from one emotional event after another. NEVER dealing.... always trying to please someone else and not myself. The journey (oh how I hate that expression, but it just seem to "Fit") has taken me out of my emotional void state into one of massive emotions.... I kind of like the way it feels to LIVE my feelings. I am maternal and have found it slightly satisfying to aid in the mothering of other people's children. I never even considered that I would be the one who will be mothering my own. A whole can of emotions has opened up with my decision to adopt. To mother. To love. To be needed.... by someone who is so very sweet and fragile, and so dependent as a young child.


One emotional day was had by me today. I have not figured out what to do with Tate when I work. I am in denial that I will have to place her into someone else's care while I bring home the bacon. I called a highly recommended day care today to get the 411 and place Tate on a 9 month waiting list. I was sooooo very impressed with the information that I was given by this place. The emotional part was when I was asked if my daughter had a name..... So far Tate has been as fluid as air. Just a name that I use to represent my plans, my daughter. Suddenly when asked if this child, who is being put on a waiting list, has a name.... I gasped and said, choking back tears... "Tate and my last name". She is matter. She is substance. SHE is holding a spot on a list for her education.

My Tate, my daughter.