Thursday, January 05, 2006

CONFESSION

I have a confession to make …Please don’t be hatin’….On December 1st I had my Dossier ready to be Fed Ex’d to my agency….I am scared to death. This is the final and last step that I will have control of. I am not a control freak by any means, but once I send off my Dossier there will be no turning back!!! I am scared to death!!!! I have always wanted to be a mother. I have always wanted to adopt an Asian child. I just never thought I would be doing this ALONE. Not only am I alone, but I am OLD…I have no shyness of my age…I am 48 almost 49 (a young 49 yr old) in March. I think that when Tate is 20 I will be 69 years old!!! What am I thinking? But then I think of the joy of a child….This child will be the world to me. In my heart of hearts I know that I am supposed to do this thing of adoption…. Without getting religious, I know that there is not a random child in China for me but a specific one meant for me…. I feel her spirit along my side. Did I mention….I AM SCARED TO DEATH?????!!!

9 comments:

Ruby Cate said...

Pop it in the mail woman, it's time to LIVE! Motherhood is SUCH AN AMAZING GIFT! And remember, everyone has their reasons for being scared... for you, it's your age & the fact that you're doing it alone. For me, it was my MS... who knows what my future will hold, but then again, WHO EVER REALLY KNOWS? NOBODY! So pop that dossier in the mail & LET'S GET CRACKIN'! TATER'TOT'S WAITING FOR HER MOMMA! =) And Ruby and me are waiting to meet our new friend TATE! =)

Nothing in life worth having is handed to you, you have to work for it & take chances. Ruby took a chance on me & I her... give the same gift to yourself as well as to Tate. =)

AMY HAS SPOKEN!

=)

hehehe

Ruby Cate said...

ps. I did this ALONE TOO!! But I wouldn't have it ANY OTHER WAY! =)

SINGLE MOTHERS BY CHOICE ARE THE BRAVEST PEOPLE I KNOW! YOU'RE NO EXCEPTION! I WANT TO SEE A POST SOON ABOUT YOUR DTC & LID!!!!!!!!!!!!! =)

Donna & Joe said...

Lisa, I think you are incredibly brave to have come this far and you wouldn't have gotten to this point if adoption wasn't meant to be for you. Please take the next step and mail that dossier!!! Just like Amy and Ruby Cate where meant to be together, so are you and Tate.

We should be DTC on 1/13, so if you mail it now you may be very close to our date and we can get our referrals together! Cool!

Donna :)

Joannah said...

Lisa, you can do this! You've already done so much to get ready. Don't let your fear keep you from pursuing your dreams. You may live to be a hundred! The next 52 years will be more fun with Tate than without. Get that package in the mail this week! Have a good friend go with you and celebrate with a little meal or something afterwards. I will be thinking about you and sending good thoughts your way.

Joannah

p.s. Did you see that crazy lady on Dateline who gave birth to twins at 57? What was she thinking? If she can do that, you can complete your adoption process and enjoy being with your daughter.

Shannon said...

Lisa
I'm not going to blow sunshine up your butt. You have very real concerns and doubts. Being single and adopting is terrifying. I think you can do this, and let's face it, you will have probably another 12 months to get ready for Miss Tate even after you send in your dossier. But it is a big step. A big, GIGANTIC step. I have to admit I felt and continue to feel some fears as a single parent to be. But, for me, it was a decision made in my gut. I KNEW it was right, that Emily is over in China and she is MY child, and I am HER Mommy. I think you have that same gut feeling. I think you need to take a deep breath, send up a little prayer and listen to your gut. If it says go for it, then you should, but if it is telling you WAIT, then I would listen to that. None of us will hate you if you decide not to do this. You have to do what is best for you and for Tate. I think you are ready, but you have to think that to make it work. I send you a big hug and a prayer up that you will make the right decision for you.
Hang in there, we are all rooting for you!

Eliza2006 said...

Lisa,
Put that application in the mail!!!! I don't mean to make any threats, but I know where you live...I might have to mail it for you!!! Just kidding, but really, go for it!

Tiffany

Eliza2006 said...

Did I say application? I meant dossier...where's my brain?

Tiffany

Stephanie V said...

I've never confessed this to ANYONE - I threw-up when I sent my Dossier! Yep. Then I went into panic mode for about 3 weeks where I actually WISHED I HADN'T SENT IT. But you know what? There's something to be said about the wait, it's an acclamation period, a time when you transition. Soon you won't even remember why you had so many fears or doubts, you'll just want your baby in your arms.

Anonymous said...

You are going to be a GREAT MOM! Go for it! I couldn't be more proud of you for taking this important step. You have always been the best sister and aunt to the kids. It's about time you had a little daughter of your own.

JW